Still alive but work is up until my neck. School work is demanding a lot of my time lately as well. I hardly have to time to just stop and smell the flowers. Hehe.. Sleeping has become a luxury these past few weeks. I realized I only have 2 free nights in one week. That is, Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I like to spend these nights with my girlfriends so there are really no room to just slack off and bum around doing nothing. I need to manage my time better lest I want to turn into a zombie with my eyebags.
I can't make this long. There are tons to do with so little time. I'll come up with a better post next time. =)
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
random-ness
Just got back from Cabanatuan. Tired but happy. Ang masasabi ko lang... magpapatayo ako ng Starbucks sa Nueva Ecija! I was craving for a chocolate cream today and so we thought of finding a Starbucks nearby. I texted a friend of a classmate who's from Cabanatuan and told me (to my surprise and dismay) that there's no Starbucks in the city. Huwat? Wala rin coffeeshop dun sa mall. Kaya baka pumatok ang business if ever magpatayo ako ng coffeeshop dun.
Speaking of business, I'm planning to venture into a business of some sort. Secret muna what it is. If things go right on the planning side, we just might go full scale next year. =) I'll reveal once everything is settled. I just hope the energy and will power that we have right now to venture into this business will not diminish after a few months. Exciting!
I also have one more sideline. Hehe. Investment naman un. I'll also let you guys know if it's ok (i just started with the investment) para sama sama tayong magkaron ng extra moolah! Pang-lakwatsa. Yey!
That's it for now. I just got home from a 3 hour trip and here I am blogging my time away. Hehe.. I still have readings for Business Law that I have to read. Lagot. Recitation pa naman un. It's time to sleep. Ciao!
Speaking of business, I'm planning to venture into a business of some sort. Secret muna what it is. If things go right on the planning side, we just might go full scale next year. =) I'll reveal once everything is settled. I just hope the energy and will power that we have right now to venture into this business will not diminish after a few months. Exciting!
I also have one more sideline. Hehe. Investment naman un. I'll also let you guys know if it's ok (i just started with the investment) para sama sama tayong magkaron ng extra moolah! Pang-lakwatsa. Yey!
That's it for now. I just got home from a 3 hour trip and here I am blogging my time away. Hehe.. I still have readings for Business Law that I have to read. Lagot. Recitation pa naman un. It's time to sleep. Ciao!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Tagged!
Instructions: Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!
tagged by faith
1. kaladkarin ako.. take me anywhere and i'd be willing to tag along
2.lakwatsera to the core. malapit ko ng malibot ang pilipinas. =) exag!
3.i love the beach but i don't like getting dark.
4.i've already conquered the mountains and i want to try scuba diving next.
5. i love to hang out at starbucks but i don't drink coffee. tall chocolate cream for me!
6. i'm an only child
7. but i'm not a brat
i tag kharol, kiel, nica, roger, reish and lala
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
off from work
I've been having neck pains since yesterday and I even have a small lump right under my left jaw. I was initially thinking alaxan will eventually make this go away but come late last night, I was already chilling with fever. I got alarmed and was asking everybody if this lump is mumps (beke). My tita was actually inisisting it is. And to further add to my dilemma, she had been stressing that beke will make me infertile. Huwat? I refuse to believe that and so I called my ever reliable friend with regards to the medical field (thanks Kharen!) and asked her if it was true. Apparently, it only applies to guys. Oops! So if ever I did have mumps, I can bid farewell to my weekend plans with J.
And so with still a slight fever, I begged off from work today and proceeded to see the doctor with my mom. I just heaved a sigh of relief when upon seeing the lump, the doctor's questions geared towards colds and tonsilitis. Apparently, the lump was too low to be mumps. A few weeks ago, I already had the worst case of tonsilitis and the company doctor advised me to take antibiotic for 1 week. When I was feeling a little better during the 3rd day, I stopped taking the meds. My druggist friend told me not to do that. The reason the doctor advised me to take it for 1 week is to make sure the bacteria will be completely gone because if my sickness reoccurs, the bacteria would now have antibodies for that medicine. So now, I am paying the price of my previous actions. The bacteria is still there and it caused this lump to form in my neck. The doctor gave me antibiotics again and this time, I swear, all 14 tablets will be consumed in a week. =)
Why am I still smiling despite being sick? Because it's not mumps! Because tonsilitis is better to deal with than to stay 1 week at home doing nothing so as not to contaminate anyone else. And this also means, weekend plans are still pushing through and the loads of work waiting for me at the office would not have to wait 1 week before it's done.
And so with still a slight fever, I begged off from work today and proceeded to see the doctor with my mom. I just heaved a sigh of relief when upon seeing the lump, the doctor's questions geared towards colds and tonsilitis. Apparently, the lump was too low to be mumps. A few weeks ago, I already had the worst case of tonsilitis and the company doctor advised me to take antibiotic for 1 week. When I was feeling a little better during the 3rd day, I stopped taking the meds. My druggist friend told me not to do that. The reason the doctor advised me to take it for 1 week is to make sure the bacteria will be completely gone because if my sickness reoccurs, the bacteria would now have antibodies for that medicine. So now, I am paying the price of my previous actions. The bacteria is still there and it caused this lump to form in my neck. The doctor gave me antibiotics again and this time, I swear, all 14 tablets will be consumed in a week. =)
Why am I still smiling despite being sick? Because it's not mumps! Because tonsilitis is better to deal with than to stay 1 week at home doing nothing so as not to contaminate anyone else. And this also means, weekend plans are still pushing through and the loads of work waiting for me at the office would not have to wait 1 week before it's done.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
renewing ties
After J's 3 month extended vacation. He's now in Nueva Ecija undergoing yet another training before going to the real battlefield. Since I now have so much time in my hands, I tried to put my life back together again. Not that it was ruined when J was here. I somehow set aside other aspects of my life just so I can maximize my time with J. When he was here, I almost always leave the office by 5:30. Leaving me with too much pending work. So I went to the office last saturday to make up for that. I still have a lot of things to do but I'm now trying to accomplish those one by one.
Next thing I did was to bond with my girl friends again. Bonding time with them was also cut off because of everyday dating and weekends spent together with J. I still got to see them every once in a while during the past 3 months but it's not the same girl talk whenever our SO's are around. So, first thing I did was to meet up with my friend and spent the night in their house. Something I haven't done in ages.
With all the activities lined up for me and with all the plans waiting to be executed, this somehow lessens my loneliness and it's quite healthy that things are happening this way. My negative feelings are being translated to positive things. Which is good. For me and, I think, for our relationship. I realized I learned my lesson. The lesson that took a lot of tears. I can now see it's purpose. =)
Next thing I did was to bond with my girl friends again. Bonding time with them was also cut off because of everyday dating and weekends spent together with J. I still got to see them every once in a while during the past 3 months but it's not the same girl talk whenever our SO's are around. So, first thing I did was to meet up with my friend and spent the night in their house. Something I haven't done in ages.
With all the activities lined up for me and with all the plans waiting to be executed, this somehow lessens my loneliness and it's quite healthy that things are happening this way. My negative feelings are being translated to positive things. Which is good. For me and, I think, for our relationship. I realized I learned my lesson. The lesson that took a lot of tears. I can now see it's purpose. =)
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
on goodbyes, changes and new beginnings...
J and I were talking last night about his new life when he reports to his division. I can sense that he's a bit sad about it although he doesn't want to show it. I feel for him. I know that it will be a different story as compared to their life in PMA. Gone are the days of just worrying about duties, demerits, touring hours and what nots. J have always been telling me that life is indeed easier as a cadet. Although there's no freedom when you're inside the academy, everything is taken cared of when you're there. After their graduation, they were finally freed from the rules inside PMA but it also meant being responsible for everything that you do with that freedom. It also meant looking after yourself as there will be no tac-o's, commandants, instructors to look after your every move from then on.
Getting deployed also meant separation from his mistah (term they use for their batchmates). After 4 years of being together 24/7 inside the academy, they will now be distributed across the country. Just the thought of it saddens me. I even joke him na ako yung nalulungkot para sa kanya. Goodbyes are always difficult. Though I know J had already set his mind that this will happen eventually, I can feel his sadness when he talks about his mistahs leaving the barracks to go to their assignments. Ako pa nga yung naiiyak. I've somehow got to bond with some of his mistahs over the past couple of months. I've been with them in out of town trips and occassional dinners and gimiks. I had a glimpse of what they were like and how bonded they are with each other. For that short time I was with them, I can say that I'm going to miss them... how much more for J. But he (and all of his batchmates) don't have a choice but to move on. This bittersweet phase will soon be replaced by the reality that lies ahead. The reality that I'm having difficulty getting to terms with.
As the cliche goes, for every ending there's always a beginning. They will now be beginning their life as junior officers of the Philippine Army. Challenging is an understatement to describe their line of work. Nevertheless, I have faith in them that they would be responsible officers of our country. To the Maragtas Class, good luck! Make us proud! =)
Getting deployed also meant separation from his mistah (term they use for their batchmates). After 4 years of being together 24/7 inside the academy, they will now be distributed across the country. Just the thought of it saddens me. I even joke him na ako yung nalulungkot para sa kanya. Goodbyes are always difficult. Though I know J had already set his mind that this will happen eventually, I can feel his sadness when he talks about his mistahs leaving the barracks to go to their assignments. Ako pa nga yung naiiyak. I've somehow got to bond with some of his mistahs over the past couple of months. I've been with them in out of town trips and occassional dinners and gimiks. I had a glimpse of what they were like and how bonded they are with each other. For that short time I was with them, I can say that I'm going to miss them... how much more for J. But he (and all of his batchmates) don't have a choice but to move on. This bittersweet phase will soon be replaced by the reality that lies ahead. The reality that I'm having difficulty getting to terms with.
As the cliche goes, for every ending there's always a beginning. They will now be beginning their life as junior officers of the Philippine Army. Challenging is an understatement to describe their line of work. Nevertheless, I have faith in them that they would be responsible officers of our country. To the Maragtas Class, good luck! Make us proud! =)
Monday, June 4, 2007
after you go...
I can catch up on my reading... After you go, i'll have a lot more room for sleeping... and so the song goes.
No. We're not breaking up. He's just bound for deployment anytime soon and it's causing me this big rock down my throat. I can't help but get teary eyed every once in a while. I know I have to be strong. For him and more especially for myself. I've been through this. I should know the drill. We will only be 3 hours apart. Last time I was in the same dilemma, the separation meant 1 year of not seeing each other. This time, it SHOULD be easier. But it's not.
The thought that I've been setting aside for the past 3 months is slowly happening. If only there's a guide book on how to survive being a soldier's girlfriend. It pains me that his line of work will entail a lot of risks. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I should have known this the moment I decided to commit to him. I thought I was ready but when reality slowly dawns on you, it bites. Hard. Harder than I thought.
I am grateful though. For the 3 months that we spent together without any restrictions on going back to the barracks by 10 pm. Or restrictions on going to the mall. We were able to do things that normal couples do. Go on dates. Watch movies. See each other after work. Spend weekends together. Go on fights personally and not just through phone calls. It should have only been 2 months break but the elections proved to be a blessing in disguise resulting to an extended stay in Fort Boni.
We are now facing the hard truth. That he'll be fighting for the good of the country anytime soon. I am proud of what he does but it scares the hell out of me everytime I think about it. So we decided that everytime he'll be on an operation and will not be able to contact me, I will just think that he's just on duty. Just like his PMA days when he can't text during classes.
This will be a whole new battle. Let's see what will happen this time.
No. We're not breaking up. He's just bound for deployment anytime soon and it's causing me this big rock down my throat. I can't help but get teary eyed every once in a while. I know I have to be strong. For him and more especially for myself. I've been through this. I should know the drill. We will only be 3 hours apart. Last time I was in the same dilemma, the separation meant 1 year of not seeing each other. This time, it SHOULD be easier. But it's not.
The thought that I've been setting aside for the past 3 months is slowly happening. If only there's a guide book on how to survive being a soldier's girlfriend. It pains me that his line of work will entail a lot of risks. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I should have known this the moment I decided to commit to him. I thought I was ready but when reality slowly dawns on you, it bites. Hard. Harder than I thought.
I am grateful though. For the 3 months that we spent together without any restrictions on going back to the barracks by 10 pm. Or restrictions on going to the mall. We were able to do things that normal couples do. Go on dates. Watch movies. See each other after work. Spend weekends together. Go on fights personally and not just through phone calls. It should have only been 2 months break but the elections proved to be a blessing in disguise resulting to an extended stay in Fort Boni.
We are now facing the hard truth. That he'll be fighting for the good of the country anytime soon. I am proud of what he does but it scares the hell out of me everytime I think about it. So we decided that everytime he'll be on an operation and will not be able to contact me, I will just think that he's just on duty. Just like his PMA days when he can't text during classes.
This will be a whole new battle. Let's see what will happen this time.
Friday, June 1, 2007
bad day
I'm starting to hate this day. And we're only half way through. Everything about this day is just plain (pardon the word) irritating. Maybe it's the gloomy weather or my approaching pms.
I want to do a lot of things. New things. Maybe this time I'm completely tired of being in my comfort zone. It's time to test new waters once again. After all, life won't be exciting without these "take life" activities every once in a while.
Changes will be happening. Soon.
I want to do a lot of things. New things. Maybe this time I'm completely tired of being in my comfort zone. It's time to test new waters once again. After all, life won't be exciting without these "take life" activities every once in a while.
Changes will be happening. Soon.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
splashed!
I just got back from an out of town trip with J and his mistahs. We went to Splash Mountain in Laguna. I'm still beat from all the splashing that we did! haha. The trip was all fun, fun, fun! Thanks to his crazy friends who were all good sport and made us laugh the entire trip!
The place is, by the way, super nice! It has a pool inside the room. In our pictures it looked more of a jacuzzi. Will try to post pictures as soon as Frank has downloaded it from his camera.
Will sign off now. Hope you all had a great weekend as well.
The place is, by the way, super nice! It has a pool inside the room. In our pictures it looked more of a jacuzzi. Will try to post pictures as soon as Frank has downloaded it from his camera.
Will sign off now. Hope you all had a great weekend as well.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
paying off debts
I have 4 credit cards. Yep. You read it right. f-o-u-r. 4 years ago, I started with one credit card wherein I pay off every purchase every month. In other words, zero balance. Then I started to learn to only pay half of the amount. That's when all my problems began. Interest and new purchases just kept on piling up that I have to avail of a new card for a balance transfer. After paying off the transfered amount, I have this tendency to use the card again. Sheesh! I have absolutely no discipline when it comes to my expenses.
Right now, I'm trying to start making the first step towards liberation of my credit cards. It will be a long and tedious process but I know it will be worth it in the end so I can really start to save up. Good luck to me. =P
Right now, I'm trying to start making the first step towards liberation of my credit cards. It will be a long and tedious process but I know it will be worth it in the end so I can really start to save up. Good luck to me. =P
Thursday, May 10, 2007
sweet surprise
I love love surprises! And boy was I in for a sweet surprise last night.
I was with J last night. We have been going out every night while he's staying in Fort Boni and we try to maximize every day as much as possible before his deployment in Nueva Ecija sometime late May or early June.
Anyway, we were having our usual conversation when he told me sweetly that he has something for me. This is not usual of him as the first and only thing he gave me before was a cadet doll. I was totally surprised when the gift was the mini version of his class seal pendant. Ain't he sweet? I usually don't get surprises from him so when he does, I'm totally swept off my feet! Cheesy I know pro pagbigyan nyo ko, in lab e! *big grin*
I was with J last night. We have been going out every night while he's staying in Fort Boni and we try to maximize every day as much as possible before his deployment in Nueva Ecija sometime late May or early June.
Anyway, we were having our usual conversation when he told me sweetly that he has something for me. This is not usual of him as the first and only thing he gave me before was a cadet doll. I was totally surprised when the gift was the mini version of his class seal pendant. Ain't he sweet? I usually don't get surprises from him so when he does, I'm totally swept off my feet! Cheesy I know pro pagbigyan nyo ko, in lab e! *big grin*
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
bora part 2?
My friend texted me early last night inviting me to go to Boracay on June 7-10. Accomodation will be free since I will be sneaking in their room. Hehe. The invite is sooooo tempting. I enjoyed my holyweek getaway there and a part 2 a month later is an offer I can't hardly resist. But I have to consider my expenses as well. There are still a lot of out of town trips lined up for the coming weeks and I still have to consider our Palawan trip on September that I have to save up for.
Haaay! Anybody willing to sponsor me? Hehe.. Pengeng pera! =P
Haaay! Anybody willing to sponsor me? Hehe.. Pengeng pera! =P
Saturday, May 5, 2007
PL department outing
We just had our department outing cum planning session in Laiya Batangas. The place is nice, although the room is a bit small for 6 people. Well, the girls in our department had to sleep in one room while the 3 boys are in the cottage just beside ours. The price of the cottages is a bit steep. Good thing we don't have to pay for it!
I realized I cannot work by the beach. I've always associated the beach with relaxing and bumming around that making my mind work during the planning session proved to be a great struggle. We finished the planning session by 12 midnight and we drank like crazy after. Hehe.. Bumabawi lang sa stress.
It was fun although I hoped we had more time to dip in the waters. For pictures, just visit my multiply account http://bernagutierrez.multiply.com
I realized I cannot work by the beach. I've always associated the beach with relaxing and bumming around that making my mind work during the planning session proved to be a great struggle. We finished the planning session by 12 midnight and we drank like crazy after. Hehe.. Bumabawi lang sa stress.
It was fun although I hoped we had more time to dip in the waters. For pictures, just visit my multiply account http://bernagutierrez.multiply.com
Friday, April 27, 2007
i hope this will make sense
i dunno how to begin... i've been asking the Lord for the past few weeks to give me enough reason to let go... i think He already did... problem is, I can't find a place in my heart where I do want to let go... it's already screaming at me... i'm hurt... i'm disillusioned... i don't want to trust anymore... but my heart is telling me otherwise... could it be? that it's wrong again... just the same way that it was wrong when this same heart was screaming two years ago that i was meant to be with this somebody... i dunno... maybe i shouldn't trust my heart anymore... for it knows nothing of logic... but how do i start to let my mind rule when these past months... i did let my heart take the wheel... i'm blinded... maybe... can somebody lead me? i'm lost... yet again...
Friday, April 20, 2007
keeping this blog alive...
It's 2 am in the morning. I have LOTS and LOTS of school stuff to do and here I am wasting my time making a new entry. The past month has been pretty crazy! I've been running around like a headless chicken trying to maximize his 1-month break. Sickness caught up during the later part due to lack of sleep and trying to balance a lot of things all at the same time. No regrets though, it's when you lose control that you feel alive.
I have a lot of cleaning up to do though. From my finances to my work to catching up with friends again. Spending quality time with SO lessened those bonding time with my best buds.
So what did I do for the past month?
Spent 4 days in Baguio for his graduation -- the activities for the graduation made me wake up at 5 am in the morning! to think I'm supposed to be on vacation!
3 days in Puerto Galera - went snorkelling this time and rode the banana boat for the first time!
5 glorious days in Boracay - thanks to the 5-day weekend I was able to finally set foot on the sands of Boracay. Quiet expensive though as the plan was only formulated when we were just waiting for his flight back to Cagayan de Oro. Talk about spontaneity at its finest!
3 days in Baguio - this time it's for business reasons. he has to settle some papers before his first day of work. Quite tiring. The 3rd day tested our patience to the highest level. Nothing seemed to be going right that day. Thank goodness it's over and we managed to get out of it alive. =P
So there.. no pictures though.. maybe next time.
I now need to go back and finish my paper for Management Principles. Aaargh.. I can't wait for my 6-week vacation from school!!! No more saturday classes for me next time!
I have a lot of cleaning up to do though. From my finances to my work to catching up with friends again. Spending quality time with SO lessened those bonding time with my best buds.
So what did I do for the past month?
Spent 4 days in Baguio for his graduation -- the activities for the graduation made me wake up at 5 am in the morning! to think I'm supposed to be on vacation!
3 days in Puerto Galera - went snorkelling this time and rode the banana boat for the first time!
5 glorious days in Boracay - thanks to the 5-day weekend I was able to finally set foot on the sands of Boracay. Quiet expensive though as the plan was only formulated when we were just waiting for his flight back to Cagayan de Oro. Talk about spontaneity at its finest!
3 days in Baguio - this time it's for business reasons. he has to settle some papers before his first day of work. Quite tiring. The 3rd day tested our patience to the highest level. Nothing seemed to be going right that day. Thank goodness it's over and we managed to get out of it alive. =P
So there.. no pictures though.. maybe next time.
I now need to go back and finish my paper for Management Principles. Aaargh.. I can't wait for my 6-week vacation from school!!! No more saturday classes for me next time!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
sometimes i wonder..
Kung talagang masokista ako. That I always find myself in situations that are so hard and yet I can't seem to get out of it or I choose not to get out of it. Nachachallenge ba ko? Or maybe I just don't want changes to happen. Ewan. I always choose the hard way.. Aaargh.. Gusto ko ng iuntog ang ulo ko sa pader.. hay...
Monday, April 9, 2007
ayoko na yata
I'm pms-ing again.
I think.
I hope.
Otherwise...
I'm doomed.
I think I need a change.
Whatever change it is.
I don't know.
As usual.
I don't know what I want again.
Or i know it, I'm just afraid to go for it.
Because going for it might mean...
Letting go.
I think.
I hope.
Otherwise...
I'm doomed.
I think I need a change.
Whatever change it is.
I don't know.
As usual.
I don't know what I want again.
Or i know it, I'm just afraid to go for it.
Because going for it might mean...
Letting go.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
reminder to self
... change is inevitable, people change so learn to deal with it
... patience is a virtue
... if you do good to others, it will come back to you a 100 fold
... loving him includes accepting and learning to deal with his work in the future.. the very near future
... never be too needy. keep yourself busy (im busy enough as it is. maybe I have to do more activities.. ung walang tulugan)
... playing around will do no good
... have faith that whatever He thinks you need know, He will show you
... patience is a virtue
... if you do good to others, it will come back to you a 100 fold
... loving him includes accepting and learning to deal with his work in the future.. the very near future
... never be too needy. keep yourself busy (im busy enough as it is. maybe I have to do more activities.. ung walang tulugan)
... playing around will do no good
... have faith that whatever He thinks you need know, He will show you
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Thursday, March 1, 2007
summer's here!
Yipee! I'm not really a fan of basking in the sun and getting a tan (well, for obvious reasons.. di naman ako ganun kaputi! haha) but I do love the beach and I love seeing the beach in it's full glory during summer season! And since it's the first day of March, I can't help but feel giddy on all those upcoming outings! I haven't purchased a new swimsuit yet. I better get one soonest lest prices go sky-rocketing come April.
One of my personal goal each year is to go somewhere I've never been to. Last year, I went to 2 new places. Cebu and Bohol. This year, I'm really targetting on finally stepping on the sands of Boracay. Most of my officemates are actually surprised whenever I tell them I haven't been in that glorious beach. Sa sobrang lakwachera ko daw kasi, dapat yun daw ang beach na inuuna ko! =P So, I'm really setting my eyes on a Bora (lagot ako kay Mo!) get-away this summer. Me and my high school friends are now scouting for cheap packages. We are setting our maximum budget to 15k (all-in). It would be better if we can lower that to 10k but this could mean "de lata" meals all through out our stay. haha!
I'm really excited! Plus, I'd have a looooong vacation before I start my classes again for next school year. Isn't that great?! Summer here I come!
One of my personal goal each year is to go somewhere I've never been to. Last year, I went to 2 new places. Cebu and Bohol. This year, I'm really targetting on finally stepping on the sands of Boracay. Most of my officemates are actually surprised whenever I tell them I haven't been in that glorious beach. Sa sobrang lakwachera ko daw kasi, dapat yun daw ang beach na inuuna ko! =P So, I'm really setting my eyes on a Bora (lagot ako kay Mo!) get-away this summer. Me and my high school friends are now scouting for cheap packages. We are setting our maximum budget to 15k (all-in). It would be better if we can lower that to 10k but this could mean "de lata" meals all through out our stay. haha!
I'm really excited! Plus, I'd have a looooong vacation before I start my classes again for next school year. Isn't that great?! Summer here I come!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
no matter how hard i try...
I still can't shake off this feeling. Haay.. it has been consuming me lately. Taking the best of me. Is this a warning sign? Or just plain paranoia? I know I don't make sense. Nothing does.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Manic March
I was trying to calendar each activity that I have lined up for March and I realized I have a very busy (not to mention expensive) month ahead of me.
I will be going to HK from March 11 to 14 for the Portfolio Management workshop. On March 17-19, I will be in Baguio again to attend my SO's graduation (yey!). March 22-23 is scheduled for a Batangas trip and if initial plans will push through, I'll be off far north from March 25-28. I still haven't included there my activities in school. By March 3, I had to submit the take home midterms in my econ class and I have to make a presentation for our March 24 report. There's also a lot of gimiks and birthday celebs in between the dates I've mentioned above.
These may seem like a lot of activities to do in one month but more than half of it will be spent on leisure so I'm not really complaining. I just wish I will still have enough moolah to go to Boracay on April. hehe.. I didn't have a decent out of town trip this February (to think last year, I was already in Puerto Galera at this time of the year) so my March trips should make up for that. In other words, bumabawi lang ako! haha! Excuses, excuses. But seriously, I do need a beach vacation pretty soon. My body is already succumbing to stress from work and from my classes.
Can't hardly wait for March! =)
I will be going to HK from March 11 to 14 for the Portfolio Management workshop. On March 17-19, I will be in Baguio again to attend my SO's graduation (yey!). March 22-23 is scheduled for a Batangas trip and if initial plans will push through, I'll be off far north from March 25-28. I still haven't included there my activities in school. By March 3, I had to submit the take home midterms in my econ class and I have to make a presentation for our March 24 report. There's also a lot of gimiks and birthday celebs in between the dates I've mentioned above.
These may seem like a lot of activities to do in one month but more than half of it will be spent on leisure so I'm not really complaining. I just wish I will still have enough moolah to go to Boracay on April. hehe.. I didn't have a decent out of town trip this February (to think last year, I was already in Puerto Galera at this time of the year) so my March trips should make up for that. In other words, bumabawi lang ako! haha! Excuses, excuses. But seriously, I do need a beach vacation pretty soon. My body is already succumbing to stress from work and from my classes.
Can't hardly wait for March! =)
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Happy Sunday!
Im not going to write another heavy entry today. Today will be devoted to happy thoughts. My tendency when I'm really happy is to bask in my happiness that I forget about everything else including this blog. When I look at my archives, there a lot of entries pertaining to pain, hurting, moving on, getting lost. It would seem like I just devote most of my time sulking and involving myself in a lot of self-reflection. So from now on, I will try to write anything here in my blog.. including the happy ones. =)
Anyway, I just took my midterm exam yesterday in my Management Principles class. Whew! Boy was I tired. I rallied on reading 250 pages in ONE day. Yep! One day. The tamaditis in me kicked in hard that 2 weeks of lead time only turned to waste. I even had to take a leave from the office to study. Well, I think it paid off. The exam was relatively easy and I'm confident that I'd be getting a grade of at least 90%. Not bad for cramming everything in one day. =P
There are still a lot of work to be done in the next few weeks. We still have 2 cases to submit on March 10, which by the way one of my groupmates pressured the rest of the group to do well on these next cases since we got quite a bit low grade in our first 2 cases. I guess I really have to step up here in my graduate studies to somehow train myself to not be comfortable with 2nd best. That I should aim for the highest.
Speaking of training, SO is undergoing rigid training in their camp in Nueva Ecija right now. I haven't had a decent (read: long) conversation with him since he started crawling in the mountains of Fort Magsaysay. We only get to talk at night. I feel like I'm also training for what lies ahead when he graduates. The set-up was a bit frustrating at the start but I'm starting to get used to it. I came to realize, this is the easiest part. It gets worse when he steps into the real battlefield. But that deserves another entry. Only happy thoughts for today.
So there. Something not too heavy. =P
Anyway, I just took my midterm exam yesterday in my Management Principles class. Whew! Boy was I tired. I rallied on reading 250 pages in ONE day. Yep! One day. The tamaditis in me kicked in hard that 2 weeks of lead time only turned to waste. I even had to take a leave from the office to study. Well, I think it paid off. The exam was relatively easy and I'm confident that I'd be getting a grade of at least 90%. Not bad for cramming everything in one day. =P
There are still a lot of work to be done in the next few weeks. We still have 2 cases to submit on March 10, which by the way one of my groupmates pressured the rest of the group to do well on these next cases since we got quite a bit low grade in our first 2 cases. I guess I really have to step up here in my graduate studies to somehow train myself to not be comfortable with 2nd best. That I should aim for the highest.
Speaking of training, SO is undergoing rigid training in their camp in Nueva Ecija right now. I haven't had a decent (read: long) conversation with him since he started crawling in the mountains of Fort Magsaysay. We only get to talk at night. I feel like I'm also training for what lies ahead when he graduates. The set-up was a bit frustrating at the start but I'm starting to get used to it. I came to realize, this is the easiest part. It gets worse when he steps into the real battlefield. But that deserves another entry. Only happy thoughts for today.
So there. Something not too heavy. =P
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
take two
Written: December 11, 2006
Maybe part of my hesitation is that I'm hearing the same words all over again. Same promises.. of holding on.. even when things get tough. Maybe I'm afraid to believe in it again. It's not your fault. It's the circumstances that made me think and feel this way. It's scary. I don't think I'm ready to go back to that "blackhole" just yet. I'm not even sure when I will be ready. Maybe you're not ready either. You're just overwhelmed. Let's see. For now, maintain status quo. It's easier this way. After all, I think we're both happy now.
I wrote this last December 11, when things were somehow developing quite fast. Reading it again, I guess I was really too scared to fall that time. But, my heart can only hold back for so long. The walls that I built started to crumble bit by bit.
After our galera trip, things went clearer. He told me everything about his past. He revealed his feelings for me. I on the other hand, found myself enjoying his company more. I was hesitant with that trip at first. I thought we won't have anything to talk about mainly because we really don't have anything in common... I was dead wrong. I finally saw him in a different light after that 3-day trip.
I was still a bit scared to love him that time because of what I learned but I found myself more scared of losing him. Things got really complicated when we got back from Puerto Galera. Let's just say, it involved a lot of tears. Xmas was not that pleasant as I was up on my toes figuring out what was happening. And after the storm... after the chaos.. I got to talk to him again. When everything was clear (for me and for him), I said those three words. That I love him. I didn't see it coming but I did fall for him already.
It feels good.. damn good to take that leap again. To feel that natural high. The whole ordeal proved that I am still capable of using my heart. After all the mess that I've been through last year...yes, he finally came and with him came the answers to the questions that have been lingering in my head. I am happy once again.
Maybe part of my hesitation is that I'm hearing the same words all over again. Same promises.. of holding on.. even when things get tough. Maybe I'm afraid to believe in it again. It's not your fault. It's the circumstances that made me think and feel this way. It's scary. I don't think I'm ready to go back to that "blackhole" just yet. I'm not even sure when I will be ready. Maybe you're not ready either. You're just overwhelmed. Let's see. For now, maintain status quo. It's easier this way. After all, I think we're both happy now.
I wrote this last December 11, when things were somehow developing quite fast. Reading it again, I guess I was really too scared to fall that time. But, my heart can only hold back for so long. The walls that I built started to crumble bit by bit.
After our galera trip, things went clearer. He told me everything about his past. He revealed his feelings for me. I on the other hand, found myself enjoying his company more. I was hesitant with that trip at first. I thought we won't have anything to talk about mainly because we really don't have anything in common... I was dead wrong. I finally saw him in a different light after that 3-day trip.
I was still a bit scared to love him that time because of what I learned but I found myself more scared of losing him. Things got really complicated when we got back from Puerto Galera. Let's just say, it involved a lot of tears. Xmas was not that pleasant as I was up on my toes figuring out what was happening. And after the storm... after the chaos.. I got to talk to him again. When everything was clear (for me and for him), I said those three words. That I love him. I didn't see it coming but I did fall for him already.
It feels good.. damn good to take that leap again. To feel that natural high. The whole ordeal proved that I am still capable of using my heart. After all the mess that I've been through last year...yes, he finally came and with him came the answers to the questions that have been lingering in my head. I am happy once again.
Friday, February 2, 2007
gloomy
Due to lack of enough sleep for the past week I feel weak and tired today. I'm not sad. Just tired. And my brain is working like a dial up connection... sooooo slooooooooooow! I need to sleep.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Going public
People who know that I am in a relationship again have been asking me why I haven’t changed my status in friendster. Yes, friendster is the BIG announcer of your current status in your lovelife. It’s not that I want to hide my relationship from the world. I just want to keep things simple for now. I’ve already experienced being open and public with everyone and though I feel like they were happy for me then (well, most were happy but I’ve heard just recently that some did not approve of it at the start), I didn’t like what transpired when the relationship ended. People tend to make up stories and form their opinion based on that. They think like they know everything about your relationship just because you shared to them some teeny-weeny bit of your story.
I still remember how hard it was to cope back then…how people have this tendency to open healing wounds when they start to ask…how I just shrugged off each bad opinion about the relationship…and how it was hard explaining to them that it just didn’t work. If I tell everybody now, surely there will be lots of opinions again. I even have this friend here in the office who had her boyfriend misjudged by people in her department because of her boyfriend’s occupation. They think that her boyfriend will start to play around because of his line of profession. Crap. Just because their marriage didn’t work because their husband was in the same field would mean that it’d have the same ending. It’s a different person for crying out loud!
Not announcing actually makes this relationship all the more special. I have this tendency to get approval from others and then stick with my decision when I hear positive feedback. It’s different this time. I am happy without consulting anybody. I made this decision because my heart says so, not because others approved of him or because other people think he’s a great catch.
If I can shout to the whole world that I love him, I will. But I’m contented with the way things are going right now. That we are both happy. I am happy. I have loved. I am loved.
I still remember how hard it was to cope back then…how people have this tendency to open healing wounds when they start to ask…how I just shrugged off each bad opinion about the relationship…and how it was hard explaining to them that it just didn’t work. If I tell everybody now, surely there will be lots of opinions again. I even have this friend here in the office who had her boyfriend misjudged by people in her department because of her boyfriend’s occupation. They think that her boyfriend will start to play around because of his line of profession. Crap. Just because their marriage didn’t work because their husband was in the same field would mean that it’d have the same ending. It’s a different person for crying out loud!
Not announcing actually makes this relationship all the more special. I have this tendency to get approval from others and then stick with my decision when I hear positive feedback. It’s different this time. I am happy without consulting anybody. I made this decision because my heart says so, not because others approved of him or because other people think he’s a great catch.
If I can shout to the whole world that I love him, I will. But I’m contented with the way things are going right now. That we are both happy. I am happy. I have loved. I am loved.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
ghost
Yesterday, as I was lying on sick bed, I got this weird deja vu-ish feeling. The same fear that I had before suddenly resurfaced and for some reason, I can't shake it off.
I was in some sort of paranoid state yesterday that I kept on analyzing everything from the text messages to the tone of voice when he calls. It was like 2005 all over again. When everything was not in my control. When I was needy for the assurance that things are still ok and stable. The past that I've long forgotten flashed right before me as if it happened only yesterday. And I got really scared.
Fortunately, the feeling disappears everytime I talk to him. I was assured again of how the relationship is and the love he feels for me but as soon as we hung up the phone, paranoia slowly creeps in again. I guess I'm being overly cautious. I keep on searching for the warning signs hoping that I'd be able to resolve it as early as possible. But then, there are no warning signs yet. There is nothing to be warned of. I am just making these all up. The ghost of the past is just haunting me. This might be the scar talking (or thinking). I am not blaming anyone. Not even him. That painful event already happened and everyone has already healed (i think!) from that. I have already moved on and so has he.
When you finally feel that love again, you can't help but be scared of feeling the pain that comes with it. I don't want to go back there but my mind got the best of me yesterday.
So now, I'm just hoping and praying really hard that this ghost would go away. I don't want some made up thing to cause this relationship to fall apart.
I was in some sort of paranoid state yesterday that I kept on analyzing everything from the text messages to the tone of voice when he calls. It was like 2005 all over again. When everything was not in my control. When I was needy for the assurance that things are still ok and stable. The past that I've long forgotten flashed right before me as if it happened only yesterday. And I got really scared.
Fortunately, the feeling disappears everytime I talk to him. I was assured again of how the relationship is and the love he feels for me but as soon as we hung up the phone, paranoia slowly creeps in again. I guess I'm being overly cautious. I keep on searching for the warning signs hoping that I'd be able to resolve it as early as possible. But then, there are no warning signs yet. There is nothing to be warned of. I am just making these all up. The ghost of the past is just haunting me. This might be the scar talking (or thinking). I am not blaming anyone. Not even him. That painful event already happened and everyone has already healed (i think!) from that. I have already moved on and so has he.
When you finally feel that love again, you can't help but be scared of feeling the pain that comes with it. I don't want to go back there but my mind got the best of me yesterday.
So now, I'm just hoping and praying really hard that this ghost would go away. I don't want some made up thing to cause this relationship to fall apart.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
happiness
The past 3 weeks have marked a new phase in my life. I think I've achieved a certain level of happiness that I never thought I'm capable of feeling again. Although if I compare, yes I know it's so unfair to do that but I can't help it. I also have my own benchmark with regards to what I'm feeling. If I compare, my feelings for him are still by far logical. In what sense? This time, I don't look at the future anymore. I do take things a day at a time. No more hopes of forever and of undying love. I don't know what will happen in the next months. I will deal with tomorrow as it comes.
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
2006
This has been the most amazing, enlightening, mind-boggling, earth shaking year i ever had so far!
I've accomplished a lot of things this year. Met lots of great people. Been to amazing new places. I did a lot of firsts this year. And as I've always said, this year had been one heck of a ride. I'm so grateful for everything.. good and bad alike. I feel more mature and stronger this time around.
So many things have happened and here are the highlights (in random order) of this tough-to-beat year:
1) Finally seeing the light after a long dark journey.. :P
2) Meeting that stranger who helped me see that light.
3) Bumming around in Kharen's apartment.. pure bliss!
4) Instant overnights!
5) Finally got to travel out of Luzon... twice! ain't that sweet?
6) 3 fun-filled, no-work-in-mind days in Cebu with my officemates.
7) Getting to a glorious island after a near-death experience. The destination is worth the dangerous ride.
8) Beach bumming.. heaven!
9) Crossing that damned bridge which explained everything about my lovelife.. teehee..
10) Sauna room in Subic
11) Discovering the best places to eat.
12) Kayak!
13) Starting my MBA class.. and loving it!
14) Meeting the benchmark.
15) Finally recognizing my turning point after a lot of pseudo-turning points.
16) Taking too much risk.. still no regrets though! I learned from each experience.
17) 4 is the magic number baby.. and all 4 can run well.. :P
18) Batallion hop..
19) Island hopping, snorkelling and beach bumming... in bohol!
20) my 4th puerto galera trip in one word: enlightening
21) finally taking the plunge.. :P
I've accomplished a lot of things this year. Met lots of great people. Been to amazing new places. I did a lot of firsts this year. And as I've always said, this year had been one heck of a ride. I'm so grateful for everything.. good and bad alike. I feel more mature and stronger this time around.
So many things have happened and here are the highlights (in random order) of this tough-to-beat year:
1) Finally seeing the light after a long dark journey.. :P
2) Meeting that stranger who helped me see that light.
3) Bumming around in Kharen's apartment.. pure bliss!
4) Instant overnights!
5) Finally got to travel out of Luzon... twice! ain't that sweet?
6) 3 fun-filled, no-work-in-mind days in Cebu with my officemates.
7) Getting to a glorious island after a near-death experience. The destination is worth the dangerous ride.
8) Beach bumming.. heaven!
9) Crossing that damned bridge which explained everything about my lovelife.. teehee..
10) Sauna room in Subic
11) Discovering the best places to eat.
12) Kayak!
13) Starting my MBA class.. and loving it!
14) Meeting the benchmark.
15) Finally recognizing my turning point after a lot of pseudo-turning points.
16) Taking too much risk.. still no regrets though! I learned from each experience.
17) 4 is the magic number baby.. and all 4 can run well.. :P
18) Batallion hop..
19) Island hopping, snorkelling and beach bumming... in bohol!
20) my 4th puerto galera trip in one word: enlightening
21) finally taking the plunge.. :P
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
happy happy, joy joy, kalat kalat!
Time out muna sa emote. =)
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Finally, this term is almost over. One more final paper and I'm off to vacation mode. It's time to celebrate! Lots of Xmas parties ahead. Can't wait! =P
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I'm seriously thinking of changing careers... soon. I'm getting awfully tired of numbers. Maybe it's time to practice my pambobola tricks and make a career out of it.
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Gusto kong matutong magdrive... I really want to practice driving again. This was one of my to do's for this year. Problem is I'm too lazy to practice with stick shift. Maybe I can purchase an automatic. Haha. Wishful thinking!
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Kalat kalat ang post na to. Pang-relax lang after a hectic day at work. I wish I can go to the spa again! Paging Badeti! =P
********
Finally, this term is almost over. One more final paper and I'm off to vacation mode. It's time to celebrate! Lots of Xmas parties ahead. Can't wait! =P
********
I'm seriously thinking of changing careers... soon. I'm getting awfully tired of numbers. Maybe it's time to practice my pambobola tricks and make a career out of it.
********
Gusto kong matutong magdrive... I really want to practice driving again. This was one of my to do's for this year. Problem is I'm too lazy to practice with stick shift. Maybe I can purchase an automatic. Haha. Wishful thinking!
*********
Kalat kalat ang post na to. Pang-relax lang after a hectic day at work. I wish I can go to the spa again! Paging Badeti! =P
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