trips, trips, trips

This is supposed to be a record of all my travels but the past few entries have been all emotional. So now, I'm recalling the past major trips I had for the past two months. Actually, there's only two. My Subic trip with tuknene and the much awaited Cebu getaway with my officemates.

Here's the pix from the Subic Trip last June.

Highlights: yummy bibingka at the bus stop, 7-hour nonstop chitchat, rain in the beach, interesting foreigners, andoks midnight snack, gian's "surprise" visit, KAYAK!, racing, big breakfast at bart's, hilarious tahong story and going straight to UP's isawan after a 3-hour trip.

And here some of the pix from Cebu:

Trip Highlights: plane ride of course! laughing over meals that take hours to prepare. yummy lechon. dangerous ride to "tops". the view at "tops". sutokil. tambuli beach. 400 peso buffet that I did not enjoy due to stomach pains. busog-meals not exceeding 150 pesos. 2 straight gimik nights. danggit! 3-hour waiting time due to delayed flights and laugh trips that never cease.

turning point

After vowing in my last post that I'd be stepping on the brakes, I hit gas once again! I told myself I needed this one last "craziness" to be my turning point to going back to serious mode.

Life has chapters and every person that comes your way always has a purpose. This person, that unexpectedly came one night, marked the beginning of a new chapter of my life. He brought a lot of excitements and adventures that I never thought I'll be experiencing. He opened my eyes to a lot of new things. I find myself in unchartered waters when I'm with him. I swore before that I won't be fooled by his type, but in dealing with him I somehow learned how to play the game.

Prolonging a chapter in ones life may do more harm than good. Even if the set up is very convenient. I realized that I may be more susceptible to hurt if I continue being with him. The walls I have built may not be that strong once I let myself deeper into the situation. So I'm ending it now. To save me from unnecessary pain. To save me from the pain that I know is not worth it. This time around, the juice ain't worth the squeeze. So I have to stop.

In this one last feat, I still don't have any regrets. A part of me was telling me not to, but the louder voice insisted that I needed to do this. To kill any ounce of curiosity I have left of him. I got what I needed. I had my closure. Women are suckers for closure, right? And I'm one of them. And that one last craziness was my ending to this chapter. I am now ok with the possibility that I may not see him again. He has served his purpose.

The lesson? This time, (as one friend pointed out) I have to liberate myself from what I think was missing before. If I've learned to let go of what I had, I should also let go of what was lacking. I involved myself in this hoping that I'd be able fill that missing gap. But I had too much of it and we all know that everything should just be taken in moderation.

The challenge.. sticking to everything I just said above. haha! Yes, I tend to be forgetful sometimes specially if the illogical side kicks in again but I do have my friends to wack me back to logical thinking.

So far, so good. 2006 is turning out to be one unforgettable year.

breathing space

I finally have some time to breath. The past few days seemed like a blur. I didn't know how I managed to pull through those tight deadlines, endless meetings and midterms in school! I can feel my head starting to ache due to tremendous stress. I slept for the past days with my stat book serving as my pillow and then waking up with a feel of a rock on my head and trying to pull myself together amidst all the things to be done. This is not the last of it though. I'm actually in the first stages of a very busy month ahead. All the energy-reviving activities I've done in Cebu are now totally gone. I need another vacation to make up for the stress this week. I'm so looking forward to weekends when I can finally get my 10-hour sleep!

**************************

I'm missing someone right now. Life seems a little more exciting when he's around but I don't want to exert any effort anymore. I'm done with all his games and maybe I'm back to my cautious self. I've been possessed by my "id" the past months--the one which doesn't think and just goes for anything. I'm starting to step on the brakes as one friend has already expressed worry. I'm trying to change some of my principles a little bit. Just a little. I don't want to turn into ms. safe all of a sudden. I will still be taking risks, but with more thought before the plunge. =)

fooled twice

My gulay. I really am a magnet of a**holes lately. I think I have this sign on my forehead which reads, "you can mess with me". He is no different from his friend and I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he's less of a jerk. His behavior today proved otherwise. I really shouldn't be bothered with these things. This is just a waste of my effort and energy.

standstill

My life seems to be at a standstill right now. No major happenings. No major pains or joys. I'm trying to make it exciting but I seem to have run out of gas. Everything is stable at school. Even the tons of work can't make my mind rid of the thought that NOTHING is happening in my life right now. No exciting news to tell, no new thing to explore. I hope this is a temporary phase as I will go nuts if this will continue.

It sucks to feel this way. Especially if the first half of the year have been nothing but a roller coaster ride! And now everything seems to be at a complete stop. I don't know where to go and I don't know what to do to get me out of this rut. I just hope things will look up... soon!

tired

I'm constantly feeling tired lately. I've been running around like a headless chicken--work, school, gimiks, out of town. I enjoy school, it's the loads of assignments which are killing me. I can't seem to put myself to learning mode everytime I walk out of the RCBC campus. Gimiks and out-of-towns are already a given that it's fun, but there seem to be a lot of it lately. As in overlapping pa. I'm not really complaining but I don't seem to have enough time for myself lately (read: sleep).

I know this is a test of my time management skills, which by the way I don't have--at all! I'm a chronic procrastinator. Good thing I'm good at cramming but juggling work and school and social life is finally taking it's toll on me. I'm burning out.. fast!

I need to find a way to somehow squeeze everything in. I don't want to give up my social life as it's the only reason why I'm still sane today. =) I don't want to give up school because I really want to finish my masters and well, that leaves work which is my least favorite of all but is the most vital as it sustains my school and social life. There must be some way to do all of these things without stressing myself out too much! I just need to find out the answer fast!

gusto kong mag-swimming..

Haay.. I miss the beach. I wish I can just pack my bags and lie on the sand! Lately, it has been raining so no one is actually in the mood to plan any beach trip for the weekend. I'd be going to Subic (again!) though on the first week of June to celebrate one my friends birthday. I just wish the sun is shining that day otherwise our planned watersports activities may not push through.

This has been a stressful week. Deadlines, meetings, reports! It's just so tiring. I do want a new job pretty soon I just don't have enough drive to search for one. I can't even go online during weekends as I usually spend it out of town or chitchatting while binge-eating with friends.

My classes will start next week. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Para akong ikakasal! Not that I've experienced getting married. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to meet lots of interesting people there. Most of my friends are actually teasing me that I may find "the one" in one of my classes. Honestly, I'm not really expecting that. If I'd be able to meet someone there that would be great but I'm not keeping hopes up. I just don't want to set myself up to disappointments.

This has been an incoherent post. I just want to say... I need a vacation!!!

something's wrong

I have a very different outlook lately. I don’t want serious relationships at the moment. I am only capable of entertaining Mr. Right NOW. I am ok with no-strings-attached type of relationships. Somewhere in the lines of "it's complicated" in friendster lingo. I think I have built invisible walls around me to not get emotionally involved with anyone. Perhaps the pain that I went through last year may be a reason why my beliefs are in total disarray. Don't get me wrong.. I am doing fine now. It's just that the thought of having to go through the same pain scares me to death.

I know my frame of mind is wrong. I just can’t help it. There are some lessons in life that you don’t forget. And this lesson in love I learned the hard way. Maybe I'm not ready to take that big leap of giving my heart away again.

I still would want to believe in happy-ever-after, magic, soulmates and “the one” but for now.. guys would have to exert a lot of effort convincing me to take the plunge. I do like the attention I'm getting every once in a while. Maybe it's not yet time to be serious with this lovelife stuff. But then again, someone can just change my mind. =)

getting serious

I received a call from la salle yesterday telling me that I can now enroll for their 1st term. There would be a career consultation on May 8 and enrollment is on May 13. Classes will start May 22. Seems so near. And I haven't fully decided yet if I really want to pursue graduate studies. I just took the exam to somehow take the 1st step without deciding if I will take it all the way. I know my social life will have to take a backseat from here on but then again I would be meeting lots of new people in my classes.

My fear is that I might not have enough will-power to finish this 2 1/2 year course. It's all or nothing. If I will start this I have to finish, otherwise it will just be a waste of time.

The thing is, this is the only hard proof that I am getting serious with my life. People often regard me as a happy-go-lucky type of person and I am, but I do have goals in life as well. I dream of big things and I know that there's no shortcut to success but 2 1/2 years is far too long for me considering the impatient person that I am. I don't know. Maybe it will be worth it. I'll probably test the waters to see what's waiting for me there. Wish me luck.

taking risks

There are times when you really just have to know what's in store for you. Knowing you might regret it if you don't take the risk. I was curious. I took the risk. No regrets. Although the events following after are not exactly what I had in mind, still, I would have done exactly the same thing all over again. As said in one of my emails.. "While our decisions may not always lead us to what we thought we wanted, we always end up with what will ultimately make us happiest."

This incident did not make my behavior do a 180 degree turn but it's very enlightening to know that I am capable of such "illogical" behavior. That I am capable of just going with my guts and trusting that this is what's supposed to happen. There is a purpose for everything. There are no accidents. And I trust that this recent happening in my life was included in God's grand plan for me.

What's next? I'm really dying to find out. Life seems to be getting more exciting by the moment. =)

my third puerto galera

Yep. My third time there.. at hindi pa ko nagsasawa! Gusto ko pa rin bumalik. =) I think eversince nakarating ako dun last November 2004, every six months bumabalik ako. The beach is not that extraordinary but it's the people that makes it extra special and what makes me come back. Plus, there's this feeling that you can be who you want to be. It's like a paradise where you can fulfill your fantasies. You gain a different kind of confidence. It would be interesting to note though that my first 2 trips going there, I was nursing a broken heart. The 1st one was when the ex went abroad and the 2nd one was when we split up. This time, however, I was neither sad nor happy. I was in a neutral mode this time. =)

My latest trip in galera was a very relaxing one. I stayed there for 3 glorious days. No rush in doing things. We went out to the beach while the sun was setting and we just laid back there just relaxing. We're all so relaxed that the first night we were there, we were not able to go out on gimik. Nakatulog kaming lahat! The power nap turned out to be a power slumber. So we woke up the next day completely rested and raring to go snorkeling. It was my 2nd time to snorkel and unlike my first, I wasn't anymore panicky and managed to enjoy the corals and the fishes. We even went to this private beach, super ganda! I just stayed under the shade and emoted (haha!) while my friends tried to get a tan.

this is the life

On our second night, we made sure na makakagimik na kami. Just when I thought we will be ending the night early, somebody from the other table approached us and asked us if we can join them. I was hesitant at first kasi wala ako sa mood maging sociable that night and one of my friends was having problems with her bf. But then I thought, it will be a good way to widen our network. And so, we agreed. There were around 15++ guys in the table plus 1 girl but only 3 were talking to us. J, V and R I like J at first. Sha talaga ung tipo kong guy. Tall, white and thin (hmm.. sounds familiar? hehe..). But it was R who stole my attention away from him. R is more like me, only louder! He saw me at my worst but he still attended to me. He was kind enough to bring us back to our cottage. He attended to me while I was calling "uwaks" sa labas ng cottage namin. I didn't appreciate it that night. I kept thinking he's not a sincere person and he's just a play time kind of guy. But looking back I now appreciate what he did. No stranger has ever done that to me before and he even texted me the next day to ask if I was ok. I woke up the next day with a very bad hangover...swearing not to be near any alcoholic drinks in the next.. 2 days. =) The boat ride was a hell ride as I kept controlling myself not to vomit.

with my friend badet drinking the night away

Overall, it was one great vacation!! I was able to relax and I went back to Manila with a happy heart. It's the most interesting galera trip I've had so far. Come to think of it.. my trips to Puerto keeps getting interesting each time. Can't wait for the next one!! =)

waiting for mr. right.. no more!

Yep.. I've given up. No more hopes. Siguro darating na lang sha sa tamang panahon and now happens to be the wrong time. I've given up making excuses. My heart was not really totally shattered upon hearing the bad news. It's just that, I waited for him to come around and realize that I am worth his time and efforts. Story of my life.. waiting. This time, I waited in vain. Kelan kaya mangyayari na ako naman ung hinihintay. Right now, my heart is just tired. Kelangan ko muna tlaga shang ipahinga ng husto. It has been badly bruised for the past year and it can't take another beating. For now, I'll just try to enjoy the single life. Meeting people, travelling and just having fun.

outing galore

Here's the list of my major out of town trips lined up for the year:
July - Cebu
October - Bohol
November - Boracay (hopefully)

My Cebu and Bohol trips are already confirmed. Buti na lang nagpromo ang Cebu Pacific ng 10 pesos na tickets. Nabayaran na yan kaya wala ng atrasan. Boracay trip is still tentative. If sobra na ang gastos for the year, it has to be postponed next year. But definitely kelangan kong marating yan before I die!! =)

Life is sweet!! Thanks to Cebu Pacific! =)

next post: My puerto galera trip with tuks last feb.

realizations...

Maybe ang purpose lang talaga nya sa buhay ko is to make me realize why my former relationship was not what I needed. It may be something that I have wanted before mainly because of the comfort. I'm ok with comfortable love but having experienced a glimpse of what "mad" love is makes me think otherwise and I realized that I needed someone who is passionate. Someone who'll use more of his heart when it comes to me. I'm not saying I didn't like or regret everything that happened between me and the ex but now it hit me that I was always expecting more from him to be more irrational and less logical. Our relationship seemed perfect but it lacked passion. The relationship was always on the safe side. But I guess I'm not the right girl to bring out that passionate side of him. And now, amidst my confusion as to why this new guy left me hanging in the air, I realized that I really am over my previous flame. I never thought darating tong araw na to. That I can see clearly why it will never work out anyway. Why God decided that we're better off apart. Sobrang galing ni Lord... especially the way he makes me realize things. For that Lord, I am grateful.

fooled!

I met a guy who made me laugh without so much effort on my part to bring out that side of him...someone who made me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl on earth... someone who made me feel important and that meeting me was the best thing that ever happened to him...someone who actually has plans.. someone who's passionate.

Initially, I thought he was a fake.. I was so sure I won't like him.. then after some time of being consistent.. I let my guard down a bit.. and voila!! he made a fool out of me. Akala ko safe ako sa mga ganitong klase ng lalake. Akala ko, kayang kaya ko ng i-decipher kung sino ang manloloko sa hindi.. I was wrong!!! We could have had the best times together... sayang... I miss him though and I miss the way he made me feel..

Tagaytay

I went to Tagaytay last weekend with my office friends. We had a blast, as usual. Patawa ung paghahanap namin ng bahay. May na-encounter pa kaming mga haunted-type of houses. We chanced upon one resort. Super ganda! Fully furnished with computer and washing machine pa! o diba san ka pa. It costs 12K though. And for an impromptu gimik like this, that's way too much. We promised ourselves babalik kami with 25 more people in tow para konti lang ang gastos. hehehe.. Nwy, we found an apartelle which suited our taste and our budget. May swimming pool pa nga e. Pero di kami nagswim. We ate dinner just outside our room.. pra ma-feel namin na nasa tagaytay kami. Ang bilis namin naubos ung fud. Bago pa nagsebo ung bulalo, naubos na namin. After that, konting nood lang and we did our 2nd favorite past time (next to EATING!).. gambling! As usual, ang ingay namin. The good thing about this place though is hindi kami napatahimik. Ung mga katabi naming rooms e nasa honeymoon yata at hindi nagsisilabasan. We slept at around 4 am. We had fun. As always. Non-stop laughter talaga pag magkakasama kami. Nahatak pa namin ung isang officemate namin na walang kadala dala! Ang galing diba.. Ganun ka-unplanned itong lakad na to.



Here's one of our pix while drinking and gambling.. tsk, tsk, tsk.. masamang bisyo na ito..



10 minutes after this picture was taken, ubos na yang pagkain.. =)

Fall for YOU

There's a right or wrong to know for everything
And the truth is somewhere written in between
But there's always something missing in the dark
Until you find the true condition of the heart
Well, I can visualize the pieces of a dream,
But it's not as far away as it may seem
But if truth be told, it's you that holds the key
To the question that defines my destiny

I've been in love, a time or two
I've seen the world, but not with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
I don't wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too

I've had plenty conversations with my heart
Coz I want this thing to work, not fall apart
So, I ask my heart how it can be so sure
And it answers me because your heart is pure
I've got every expectation that is true
Coz my heart won't lie to me, much less to you
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the future that becomes our destiny

Until the mountain snow melts into the stream
My heart flows like the river to sea
To the heavens up above,
I pray to God our destiny is love

when will I know the real score? hmm...

welcome back!

hey, hey, hey! i'm back.. I read my last post.. mejo sad sha. Right now, i'm doing ok. Not really in cloud 9 but i'm getting by. I've learned a lot. And I've finally moved on (I think!). I guess malalaman ko to sa aking next pms. Baka dun ako atakihin ng depression. Pero right now, i'm just happy to be where i am and happy with the things that I'm doing.

Year of the dog na ngayon.. yahoo! Finally tapos na rin ang year of the rooster. Akala ko dati swerte ako because I was born on the year of the rooster. But no... God had other plans for me. He made me endure a lot of storms which I managed to survive with the help of my family and friends. I've learned a lot and I think I was able to help a lot people because I was able to experience one of the ultimate pains in life. It was a humbling experience for me.

Nwy, that's all for now. I gotta go meet my friend! ciao!

sinking deep

sometimes i feel like he's not that eager for us to be together. comfortable na sha with the way things are going right now pero i feel otherwise. I still would want us to be together soonest! i want to ask him about his plans but he's not that type of person. i cannot force him to build plans just because i want to hear about it. he takes each day one day at a time and that's also what i do but sometimes i wanted to picture that day when we'll be together and i feel like i'm the only looking forward to that day. i'm still waiting and holding on. i just feel like im the one holding on tighter... much tighter.

haaaay!

it's been a long time since i last posted. wala rin namang nakakabasa nito. hehehe.. anyway.. it's been four months since my honey has been away. i must say, it was really tough. 9 more months to go. haaay! seems so near yet so far. sometimes im ok. sometimes i find myself missing him so much. actually, lagi ko naman shang namimiss eh pero meron pa rin times that i lose breath just by thinking na we're so far away from each other. i try to be strong. i try to go on with life. in the meantime.. i still find myself counting..

Heard this song on my way to the office...

Without you

Mmm...hmm...
It feels like a lifetime,A thousand days have passed by
Since I held you close to me
If I could see that smile from my friend
I know that I could live again
I need you here with me
Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right
Now you’re so far away
I hope and I pray
Somewhere in your heart I’ll always stay
Lately my sun doesn’t shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling,
‘Cause my sun doesn’t shine,Sun doesn’t shine without you
This is more for me than for you
I finally see there’s no substitute
For what we have
Do you know how much I love you
Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right now you’re so far away
Gonna tell you and show you
Do whatever I can do to get back to you
Lately my sun doesn’t shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling,
'Cause my sun doesn’t shine,Sun doesn’t shine without you

11th monthsary

today is a day of firsts.. first time namin di icecelebrate together ang aming monthsary (di man namin macelebrate on the day itself, binabawa namin on some other days).. first time na more than 1 week ko na shang di nakikita... first monday ko sa pinas na wala sha... i still have approximately 55 more weeks till i see him again.. 1 year ain't that long! look at us.. 1 year na kami in a months time.. bilis diba! parang kumurap lang ako, tapos one year na kami! ü and before, i thought that 3 months is already long for 2 people to stay together..hehehe.. dati rin di ako naniniwala sa long distance relationships.. fate has it's way of teaching me lessons in life.. ü

have to go back to work.. have to convince myself to work.. otherwise, matatambakan na ko ng trabaho.. sana ma-feel ko naman ang fulfillment sa trabahong to. i gotta love my work!!

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