Written: December 11, 2006
Maybe part of my hesitation is that I'm hearing the same words all over again. Same promises.. of holding on.. even when things get tough. Maybe I'm afraid to believe in it again. It's not your fault. It's the circumstances that made me think and feel this way. It's scary. I don't think I'm ready to go back to that "blackhole" just yet. I'm not even sure when I will be ready. Maybe you're not ready either. You're just overwhelmed. Let's see. For now, maintain status quo. It's easier this way. After all, I think we're both happy now.
I wrote this last December 11, when things were somehow developing quite fast. Reading it again, I guess I was really too scared to fall that time. But, my heart can only hold back for so long. The walls that I built started to crumble bit by bit.
After our galera trip, things went clearer. He told me everything about his past. He revealed his feelings for me. I on the other hand, found myself enjoying his company more. I was hesitant with that trip at first. I thought we won't have anything to talk about mainly because we really don't have anything in common... I was dead wrong. I finally saw him in a different light after that 3-day trip.
I was still a bit scared to love him that time because of what I learned but I found myself more scared of losing him. Things got really complicated when we got back from Puerto Galera. Let's just say, it involved a lot of tears. Xmas was not that pleasant as I was up on my toes figuring out what was happening. And after the storm... after the chaos.. I got to talk to him again. When everything was clear (for me and for him), I said those three words. That I love him. I didn't see it coming but I did fall for him already.
It feels good.. damn good to take that leap again. To feel that natural high. The whole ordeal proved that I am still capable of using my heart. After all the mess that I've been through last year...yes, he finally came and with him came the answers to the questions that have been lingering in my head. I am happy once again.