Thursday, May 18, 2006

gusto kong mag-swimming..

Haay.. I miss the beach. I wish I can just pack my bags and lie on the sand! Lately, it has been raining so no one is actually in the mood to plan any beach trip for the weekend. I'd be going to Subic (again!) though on the first week of June to celebrate one my friends birthday. I just wish the sun is shining that day otherwise our planned watersports activities may not push through.

This has been a stressful week. Deadlines, meetings, reports! It's just so tiring. I do want a new job pretty soon I just don't have enough drive to search for one. I can't even go online during weekends as I usually spend it out of town or chitchatting while binge-eating with friends.

My classes will start next week. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Para akong ikakasal! Not that I've experienced getting married. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to meet lots of interesting people there. Most of my friends are actually teasing me that I may find "the one" in one of my classes. Honestly, I'm not really expecting that. If I'd be able to meet someone there that would be great but I'm not keeping hopes up. I just don't want to set myself up to disappointments.

This has been an incoherent post. I just want to say... I need a vacation!!!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

something's wrong

I have a very different outlook lately. I don’t want serious relationships at the moment. I am only capable of entertaining Mr. Right NOW. I am ok with no-strings-attached type of relationships. Somewhere in the lines of "it's complicated" in friendster lingo. I think I have built invisible walls around me to not get emotionally involved with anyone. Perhaps the pain that I went through last year may be a reason why my beliefs are in total disarray. Don't get me wrong.. I am doing fine now. It's just that the thought of having to go through the same pain scares me to death.

I know my frame of mind is wrong. I just can’t help it. There are some lessons in life that you don’t forget. And this lesson in love I learned the hard way. Maybe I'm not ready to take that big leap of giving my heart away again.

I still would want to believe in happy-ever-after, magic, soulmates and “the one” but for now.. guys would have to exert a lot of effort convincing me to take the plunge. I do like the attention I'm getting every once in a while. Maybe it's not yet time to be serious with this lovelife stuff. But then again, someone can just change my mind. =)

Friday, May 5, 2006

getting serious

I received a call from la salle yesterday telling me that I can now enroll for their 1st term. There would be a career consultation on May 8 and enrollment is on May 13. Classes will start May 22. Seems so near. And I haven't fully decided yet if I really want to pursue graduate studies. I just took the exam to somehow take the 1st step without deciding if I will take it all the way. I know my social life will have to take a backseat from here on but then again I would be meeting lots of new people in my classes.

My fear is that I might not have enough will-power to finish this 2 1/2 year course. It's all or nothing. If I will start this I have to finish, otherwise it will just be a waste of time.

The thing is, this is the only hard proof that I am getting serious with my life. People often regard me as a happy-go-lucky type of person and I am, but I do have goals in life as well. I dream of big things and I know that there's no shortcut to success but 2 1/2 years is far too long for me considering the impatient person that I am. I don't know. Maybe it will be worth it. I'll probably test the waters to see what's waiting for me there. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

taking risks

There are times when you really just have to know what's in store for you. Knowing you might regret it if you don't take the risk. I was curious. I took the risk. No regrets. Although the events following after are not exactly what I had in mind, still, I would have done exactly the same thing all over again. As said in one of my emails.. "While our decisions may not always lead us to what we thought we wanted, we always end up with what will ultimately make us happiest."

This incident did not make my behavior do a 180 degree turn but it's very enlightening to know that I am capable of such "illogical" behavior. That I am capable of just going with my guts and trusting that this is what's supposed to happen. There is a purpose for everything. There are no accidents. And I trust that this recent happening in my life was included in God's grand plan for me.

What's next? I'm really dying to find out. Life seems to be getting more exciting by the moment. =)