Thursday, October 18, 2007

as the day draws near...

Ulk! I think I'm finally having the wedding jitters. I apologize if my last entries have been about mushiness, weddings and everything related to it. Well, it has consumed most of my time lately. And right now, it's all I can think about!

No, this feeling is not about commitment phobia or something to that effect. I'm very very sure of my decision to marry J. I'm so looking forward to the day I become Mrs. Bernadette G. Moldez. It's just that I feel like we still have a lot to do for the wedding! Aaargh! I don't know if I have covered everything already. I'm not an OC bride but I do wish to have a smooth-flowing and hassle free day come October 26.

I feel like we've already accomplished most of the aspects of the wedding but it seems like there are still some things missing.

To add to my anxiety, my vacation next week is still not final. I initially planned on taking my leave on the 23rd (when Trixie's back from Aus) but my regional officer is suddenly flying in from Taiwan on 22 and will not be leaving until the 24th! Ack! Talk about a nice wedding gift! So I'm still not sure if my local boss will allow me to take my leave on 23. Wish me luck!

J, on the other hand, starts his leave today! Haha.. Officially, his leave starts on Saturday (Oct. 20) but he was allowed to come here in Manila today! Yipee! He was even telling me that his batallion commander and ex-o have been wondering why he's still there in camp when he should be taking a leave already! Ang bait! Napahaba tuloy ang bakasyon nya! =)

Another blessing for us is the loooooong vacation on the last week of October. Oct 29, Oct 31 (half day), Nov. 1 and 2 are all declared non-working holidays! That means, I don't have to leave without pay (because I've already consumed most of my vacation leaves during the first half of the year!).

I'm grateful for his extended vacation and my extra days off but I still can't shake off these anxiety attacks! Hay!

The major thing I have to accomplish today is our misallete! Ayayay! I've been putting it off for days! Now I have to cram!

Can you tell that I'm starting to be incoherent! Grrr... Good thing "baby roger" (our term of endearment for our baby) is cooperating pretty well lately. No more bouts of vomitting and food sensitivity! My appetite is back!! Woohoo! I'm trying to gain back all the pounds I've lost for the past week. I just hope I don't go overboard! Last time I had my gown fitted, it was a bit masikip na! Hehe..

Anyway, thanks for letting this jittery bride vent out her anxieties! Ganito naman yata talaga pag malapit ng ikasal! *breath in, breath out*

Monday, October 15, 2007

i'm engaged!

Hahaha! Ye. I know. It's 2 weeks before the wedding day and it's kinda late to be announcing our engagement. We'll, J & I have been engaged for almost 3 months already. But the usual engagement ring was not part of it.

To give you a backgrounder, J actually proposed while we were watching a movie. Ratatouille to be exact. Unconventional, I know! It was actually an informal proposal. He just asked me "Kung yayain kitang pakasal ngayon, papayag ka ba?". Wedding plans were part of our discussions before but we both agreed that it will still take a long time before we can actually save up for the wedding we wanted. And so I thought this was just part of the usual conversation. I told him "Akala ko ba mag-iipon muna tyo?". He told me that we should be saving up for it starting now. I said ok and I continued to concentrate on the movie. After around 3 minutes, he asked me again "Di ka ba masaya?". Then I faced him and it suddenly dawned on me that this was his proposal! I was kinda irritated at first because how the heck am I going to tell our grandchildren how their lolo proposed to me. In the moviehouse? I was ecstatic about the idea of us getting married but the proposal didn't excite me at all. That week, we started setting a target year for the wedding. 2009 was the year agreed upon.

A week later, we learned that I was pregnant. I'll write a separate entry for that story.

And so, with the baby on the way, we decided that this year was probably the year God wanted us to tie the knot. He gave us this wonderful blessing and who are we to decline it. Wedding preparations took place and here we are, 2 weeks before we actually walk down that aisle.

Little did I know that J was actually cooking up something. I've already accepted the fact that I won't get the usual proposal (with the kneeling drama and the usual will you marry me line). But today, J gave me my engagement ring! PMA graduates actually have their own version of the engagement ring. It's not the usual diamond ring but a mini version of their class ring.

He was supposed to be going back to Nueva Ecija today after dropping me in Makati for work. But he said that he'll be waiting for Glorietta to open to buy some stuffs. I myself was busy in the office that I didn't get to check on his whereabouts this morning. He texted me an hour before 12 pm asking me if I already have plans for lunch. I grabbed to opportunity to have lunch with him today before he goes to Nueva Ecija. I was even insisting that we eat somewhere near my office but he wanted to have lunch in Greenbelt. And it was unusual that he actually has a preferred place for lunch.

On my way to Landmark to meet him, I suddenly craved for Smoked Spareribs from French Baker. When I told him that I wanted to eat there, he sounded kinda disappointed but gave in to my request anyway. While we were having lunch, I noticed he was a bit jittery. He didn't have the appetite for lunch since he still full from breakfast. And I thought he was having stomach pains again. He was actually waiting for me to finish. And it was also unusual of him to be asking me if I'm already done with my food. During the last part of my meal, he was already holding my left hand and this was not unusual so I was still clueless at that time. When suddenly, he slipped the ring on my finger and I was really really surprised. I could have cried but there were too many people so I tried to stop my tears. The whole morning that I thought he was in Glorietta, he actually went to Manila to get the mini ring that he ordered since last month! =)

Afterwards, he told me about his initial plans on how to give me the ring. He wanted to eat in greenbelt so we can find a place where they serve ice cream and he'll put the ring on the ice cream. Haha! Not really unusual type of gimik but I find it really sweet! So when I told him I wanted to eat in French Baker he tried to find another way. We ordered soup at that time and guess what? Yep! He initially planned on putting the ring on the soup. He actually did but half way through our meal, he figured I won't be able to finish the soup anymore since I'm already somewhat full with my rice meal. So he discreetly scooped the ring out of the soup and sneaked in the bathroom to wash it. That's when he decided that he'll just slip it on my finger.

So there. I think I just gave you a blow by blow account of what transpired today. Haha! Pagpasenshahan na. I still can't get this smile off my face. Even with the tons of work waiting for me here in the office, I don't really mind now. I'm just in cloud 9! =)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

wedding to do's

With barely 3 weeks to go, panic button is already on for the wedding preps. There are still a lot of things to do and to purchase. Those little details that still require attention anyway. We've covered almost all the major aspects (church, venue, catering, photo and video) and we're like 60% done on distribution of the invites. The only ones that were left are those for my relatives in the province. But they've confirmed that they will come anyway. This will be a sorta reunion for both my mom and dad's side of the family.

Good thing that a long weekend is coming up so I have an extra day to do all the chores I need to do for the wedding. After almost 3 months of preparation, I actually want this wedding to happen already. More than my excitement for the wedding is my excitement for the marriage. After all these preparations, J & I can now finally spend our weekends for leisure. Not going from one supplier to another. We can now concentrate on our short-term and long-term plans. I can now go back to normal life. I can actually take my much-needed haircut (can't cut my hair so that the stylist would be able to do much on my hair come wedding day). I can go to the beach and not worry about getting dark. Haha. The simple pleasures. =) I miss going out with my friends. I miss bumming around.

I just pray that everything will be fine on the wedding day. That there will be no major obstacles that we'll encounter that day. =)

Btw, I still can't eat lunch and dinner. The only decent meal I can eat is breakfast. And I'm slowly losing weight! I don't want to look stick thin on the big day! Waaah! I'm now actually forcing myself to eat and doing every means to overcome this problem. Hay. Please pray for my full recovery.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

..and i thought I've already recovered

Lunch and dinner seem to be quite a struggle the past days. I still can't eat solid foods without any urge to throw up. Hay! Nakakapagod na. Gusto ko ng kumain.

Monday, October 8, 2007

on motherhood

The past week that I was sick, my mom was the one taking care of me extensively. She would wake up in the middle of the night when I'm throwing up ready with hot water to ease the stomach pains. My mom took time off from her busy schedule to focus on me and make sure that I have everything I need all the time. If you know my mom, you know how busy she can get and how tight her schedule can be.

Almost every request, I always get immediately and without any hesitation or complaint from her. She even volunteered to sleep beside me so she can look after me throughout the night.

I was overwhelmed by all these. It's the first time in so many years that I was taken cared of like that again. It was like I was a kid all over again. Well, it's the first time actually that I had a case this sensitive ever since I started working.

I felt the unconditional love in its truest sense of the word from my mom. And I'm really really grateful for it. I'm actually teary-eyed right now just writing about it. Makes me think about me being a mother. Will I be able to give even half as much as what my mom gives me? Will I be able to give that unconditional love despite my child being a headache at times (well, a lot of times actually). Will I be that patient? I'm not really sure. Can I a be as superwoman as my mom? I'd be glad if I will be able to do even half of what she does.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

on Luzon tour and my first time in ER

The past week have been quite busy for J and I. We headed to Nueva Ecija last saturday morning to supposedly meet his batallion commander to personally hand him our invitation because he is one of our ninongs. Unfortunately, he wasn't in camp when we arrived. So we proceeded to Baguio that afternoon to go to his foster parents to personally give the invitations as well. It was a welcomed "chore" for our wedding preps since I really miss going to Baguio. Just the thought of going to the Summer Capital makes me smile already. =) I don't have pictures. boohoo. As we didn't bring any camera (well, we don't actually have a camera to begin with! hehe). The pictures that we have are just those of our faces from J's phone cam and I don't want to bore you guys with that. =)

Anyway, we visited PMA of course. Chatted with some of his underclass. It was fun seeing J talk to his former schoolmates. Obviously, J missed his alma mater. Life as a cadet is really far easier as compared to the real world. My trip to Baguio will not be complete without going to Mines View and indulge in their pusit. Hehe.. I'm pretty sure pusit is available in some parts of Baguio but for some reason I keep going back to the stalls in Mines View. =) We didn't bother entering since it was really foggy and we don't really have that much time as we need to head back to Manila on Sunday night.

I just wish I can go back to Baguio again with no other agenda but to RELAX! =)


Last wednesday, I had my first experience of ER. I've been vomitting like crazy since Wednesday night. Come Thursday morning, my mom decided to take me to the ER. Doctors told me that it must be something I ate. They can't give me any medications because of my "case" (more on that soon!). So they just advised me to take a no-fat diet. The only food I'm allowed to eat are crackers and fruits. Waaah! We headed straight home but come Friday, I'm still throwing up everything I take. So we headed back to my doctor in Capitol Medical Center and advised me to melt ice in my mouth whenever I feel like throwing up. If my vomitting continues, I will be confined. We headed back home again. Tried to eat again and fortunately, I didn't throw up. I was able to recover fully only today. I was able to eat solid foods again! Yipee! But I'm still being cautious about the oily foods.

We're blaming this on the burger we ate last Wednesday because J had a similar case as mine when he went back to Nueva Ecija. His case was diarrhea naman. He, on the other hand, has not fully recovered yet. But he is getting better everyday with the help of gatorade. Hehe.. If his sickness will continue, he'll be consulting a doctor already. Gusto pa kasi mag-self medicate muna bago magpatingin dw!

I'm sorry if my story grossed you out! Hehe.. Just sharing my very busy and sickly week. Hope we will be better next week and the weeks to come. Only 3 weeks to go before the big day and we don't want to be walking down the aisle unhealthy. =)