i hope this will make sense

i dunno how to begin... i've been asking the Lord for the past few weeks to give me enough reason to let go... i think He already did... problem is, I can't find a place in my heart where I do want to let go... it's already screaming at me... i'm hurt... i'm disillusioned... i don't want to trust anymore... but my heart is telling me otherwise... could it be? that it's wrong again... just the same way that it was wrong when this same heart was screaming two years ago that i was meant to be with this somebody... i dunno... maybe i shouldn't trust my heart anymore... for it knows nothing of logic... but how do i start to let my mind rule when these past months... i did let my heart take the wheel... i'm blinded... maybe... can somebody lead me? i'm lost... yet again...

keeping this blog alive...

It's 2 am in the morning. I have LOTS and LOTS of school stuff to do and here I am wasting my time making a new entry. The past month has been pretty crazy! I've been running around like a headless chicken trying to maximize his 1-month break. Sickness caught up during the later part due to lack of sleep and trying to balance a lot of things all at the same time. No regrets though, it's when you lose control that you feel alive.

I have a lot of cleaning up to do though. From my finances to my work to catching up with friends again. Spending quality time with SO lessened those bonding time with my best buds.

So what did I do for the past month?

Spent 4 days in Baguio for his graduation -- the activities for the graduation made me wake up at 5 am in the morning! to think I'm supposed to be on vacation!

3 days in Puerto Galera - went snorkelling this time and rode the banana boat for the first time!

5 glorious days in Boracay - thanks to the 5-day weekend I was able to finally set foot on the sands of Boracay. Quiet expensive though as the plan was only formulated when we were just waiting for his flight back to Cagayan de Oro. Talk about spontaneity at its finest!

3 days in Baguio - this time it's for business reasons. he has to settle some papers before his first day of work. Quite tiring. The 3rd day tested our patience to the highest level. Nothing seemed to be going right that day. Thank goodness it's over and we managed to get out of it alive. =P


So there.. no pictures though.. maybe next time.

I now need to go back and finish my paper for Management Principles. Aaargh.. I can't wait for my 6-week vacation from school!!! No more saturday classes for me next time!

sometimes i wonder..

Kung talagang masokista ako. That I always find myself in situations that are so hard and yet I can't seem to get out of it or I choose not to get out of it. Nachachallenge ba ko? Or maybe I just don't want changes to happen. Ewan. I always choose the hard way.. Aaargh.. Gusto ko ng iuntog ang ulo ko sa pader.. hay...

ayoko na yata

I'm pms-ing again.

I think.

I hope.

Otherwise...

I'm doomed.

I think I need a change.

Whatever change it is.

I don't know.

As usual.

I don't know what I want again.

Or i know it, I'm just afraid to go for it.

Because going for it might mean...

Letting go.

reminder to self

... change is inevitable, people change so learn to deal with it
... patience is a virtue
... if you do good to others, it will come back to you a 100 fold
... loving him includes accepting and learning to deal with his work in the future.. the very near future
... never be too needy. keep yourself busy (im busy enough as it is. maybe I have to do more activities.. ung walang tulugan)
... playing around will do no good
... have faith that whatever He thinks you need know, He will show you