benchmark

And everybody else seems so trivial and plain compared to him. He is not exceptionally intelligent but he has his way of making up for that. Or maybe my qualifications ain't that deep. I'm such a sucker for people who can carry theirselves very well. He does that with so much class. I don't like him at first, but the way he treated me that night made me feel otherwise. Power is a great aphrodisiac according to my friend. I've proven that.. I'm drawn to him now. I thought R's commanding personality is way above everybody else... until M came into my life.

He's a tough act to follow. Now, falling for someone seem as impossible as travelling back in time. So why not fall for him instead? He's out of my league and getting serious with him would mean headaches and endless paranoia. Much as his personality is enchanting, I can't even begin to imagine what I'd be feeling the moment he's not by my side. There have been a LOT of girls involved with him. And I'm not even expecting him to change because of me. That's another impossibility. Most women get trapped in that illusion.

I'm trying to erase him out of my life. I try my best to get interested with other people. Sadly, I can't seem to be mesmerized with anyone else. Even R can't live up to him. What do I do now? When every guy that comes my way seems to be getting better and better and yet they don't seem to be the serious type. He set the bar way too high... even I can't reach it anymore!

25 years

Yep! Whether I like it or not, it was inevitable... I turned 25! Despite my constant whining about getting a year older, I realized it's not that bad. My 24th year was one heck of a ride! It was an amazing and blessed year. Having parents who understood every craziness and every misbehavior (haha!). Having good friends who stays with me thru thick and thin. Meeting new ones who adds spice to this already seasoned life!

There were a couple of surprises that came. All I can say is... life is good. Life has been good to me. It may be a bumpy ride but it was well worth everything.

To everyone who greeted, thanks so much! You've made my birthday all the more special. =)

choices...

I'm currently in a very confused state. I can't seem to rid my mind of this "thought". I just don't know why several similar things are happening lately. When I vowed that I'd take full control again, I was so sure that I won't be presented with situations which will make me go back to my old ways. Everything has a purpose, as I always believed. I'm currently deciphering what this incident's purpose is to me.

Everything was easy before. I can just walk away without any traces. This time, I don't know how to deal with it. I can run but I don't think I can hide. Or maybe there is nothing to hide from. Maybe the simplest answer may be THE answer to all my questions. I'm not really sure. What I'm sure right now is that I've never been this confused in my whole life!

I'm so unglued at the moment.

I want to go to this resolution that I'll just shrug it off. Treat him again the way I treated him before.. apathetic! I just don't know if I'm going to pull it off.

I really want to know the purpose of this one. Just as things are getting really exciting, it's becoming way too much for me to handle. Too much that I can't even think and reflect about my birthday!

Why the title? Because everything is about choices and I chose to be illogical again resulting to this confusion. I have no one else to blame but myself.

thank you

To you... who after all these time can still make me smile and make me feel that good old giddy feeling inside. You may not know it but you have been my savior since my life went in limbo. Now that I'm quite stable, you still have this magic in you which takes me back to that "high school kilig" feeling. Thank you. Just when I thought I'm not capable of feeling this anymore, you were again there to prove me otherwise. What does this say about us? I don't know. I'm just happy to be seeing you again. =)