Monday, July 24, 2006

turning point

After vowing in my last post that I'd be stepping on the brakes, I hit gas once again! I told myself I needed this one last "craziness" to be my turning point to going back to serious mode.

Life has chapters and every person that comes your way always has a purpose. This person, that unexpectedly came one night, marked the beginning of a new chapter of my life. He brought a lot of excitements and adventures that I never thought I'll be experiencing. He opened my eyes to a lot of new things. I find myself in unchartered waters when I'm with him. I swore before that I won't be fooled by his type, but in dealing with him I somehow learned how to play the game.

Prolonging a chapter in ones life may do more harm than good. Even if the set up is very convenient. I realized that I may be more susceptible to hurt if I continue being with him. The walls I have built may not be that strong once I let myself deeper into the situation. So I'm ending it now. To save me from unnecessary pain. To save me from the pain that I know is not worth it. This time around, the juice ain't worth the squeeze. So I have to stop.

In this one last feat, I still don't have any regrets. A part of me was telling me not to, but the louder voice insisted that I needed to do this. To kill any ounce of curiosity I have left of him. I got what I needed. I had my closure. Women are suckers for closure, right? And I'm one of them. And that one last craziness was my ending to this chapter. I am now ok with the possibility that I may not see him again. He has served his purpose.

The lesson? This time, (as one friend pointed out) I have to liberate myself from what I think was missing before. If I've learned to let go of what I had, I should also let go of what was lacking. I involved myself in this hoping that I'd be able fill that missing gap. But I had too much of it and we all know that everything should just be taken in moderation.

The challenge.. sticking to everything I just said above. haha! Yes, I tend to be forgetful sometimes specially if the illogical side kicks in again but I do have my friends to wack me back to logical thinking.

So far, so good. 2006 is turning out to be one unforgettable year.

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