Time out muna sa emote. =)
********
Finally, this term is almost over. One more final paper and I'm off to vacation mode. It's time to celebrate! Lots of Xmas parties ahead. Can't wait! =P
********
I'm seriously thinking of changing careers... soon. I'm getting awfully tired of numbers. Maybe it's time to practice my pambobola tricks and make a career out of it.
********
Gusto kong matutong magdrive... I really want to practice driving again. This was one of my to do's for this year. Problem is I'm too lazy to practice with stick shift. Maybe I can purchase an automatic. Haha. Wishful thinking!
*********
Kalat kalat ang post na to. Pang-relax lang after a hectic day at work. I wish I can go to the spa again! Paging Badeti! =P
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Monday, November 27, 2006
lost
What do you do when you suddenly lose the zest to do anything? When everything else seems gloomy and yet you don't know what the problem is?
I am lost.
I have a lot of things to be happy and grateful for. Yet I still manage to make myself depressed. I think my heart is already charging me for all the foolish things I did. It's payback time I guess. Or maybe that's not it. Maybe there are other things which I'm not aware of that's causing me to feel this way. I really don't know.
How I wish I can undergo the memory-erasing treatment similar to that of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" movie.
Or use ctrl+alt+del. Reboot. Restart. Save the changes? No.
I am lost.
I have a lot of things to be happy and grateful for. Yet I still manage to make myself depressed. I think my heart is already charging me for all the foolish things I did. It's payback time I guess. Or maybe that's not it. Maybe there are other things which I'm not aware of that's causing me to feel this way. I really don't know.
How I wish I can undergo the memory-erasing treatment similar to that of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" movie.
Or use ctrl+alt+del. Reboot. Restart. Save the changes? No.
Monday, November 13, 2006
3 cm
This figure would have made a big difference in my life.
As I woke up this morning, I recalled my ultimate dream of traveling the world for free. My thoughts brought me back to that day when it took only 3 cm (or the lack thereof) to shatter that dream.
Owell. San ba pwedeng magpahatak? hehe..
As I woke up this morning, I recalled my ultimate dream of traveling the world for free. My thoughts brought me back to that day when it took only 3 cm (or the lack thereof) to shatter that dream.
Owell. San ba pwedeng magpahatak? hehe..
Monday, November 6, 2006
routine
One is enough, two is already too much and three is like... "what the hell are you thinking?".
I know the drill. I'm still in full control of my emotions. I don't ask anymore. I think I've acquired a new habit. A very, very bad habit.
I know the drill. I'm still in full control of my emotions. I don't ask anymore. I think I've acquired a new habit. A very, very bad habit.
Friday, November 3, 2006
the genie has been good to me
So far, every wish I made this year were granted. And with each wish coming to reality, I learn new lessons. Life is great.
"You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it come true"... amen to that!
"You are never given a wish without being given the power to make it come true"... amen to that!
Thursday, November 2, 2006
now i know why
Apparently, the fascination on military runs in the family.
My mom's first boyfriend is a member of the airforce.
Huwat? I almost fell off my seat... laughing.
She even told me that she so loves the military wedding rites!
She finds the sword thingie quite amusing.
So, will my mom's dream wedding come true?
Haha
Fat chance. :P
Or is it?
My mom's first boyfriend is a member of the airforce.
Huwat? I almost fell off my seat... laughing.
She even told me that she so loves the military wedding rites!
She finds the sword thingie quite amusing.
So, will my mom's dream wedding come true?
Haha
Fat chance. :P
Or is it?
Friday, October 27, 2006
running away
When I get really frustrated, sometimes I just want to turn my back and give up. The other night, I was contemplating on the idea of going to Baguio alone and untraceable. I feel like I want to take a breather from all these. My emotional wellness has been going down the drain these past few days. I was even close to calling this someone from out of the blue. He will surely be surprised if I did call--with matching tears pa. Good thing I let the emotion pass by, otherwise God knows how I'll be emotionally unstable after that.
Point is, I've run out of possible solutions. I'm tired trying to fix some dysfunctional aspects of my life. Heck, maybe I'll just let it remain at that...in chaos. Maybe I'm not really meant for a peaceful and simple life.
With no answers in sight, running away seems to be the only plausible solution.
Point is, I've run out of possible solutions. I'm tired trying to fix some dysfunctional aspects of my life. Heck, maybe I'll just let it remain at that...in chaos. Maybe I'm not really meant for a peaceful and simple life.
With no answers in sight, running away seems to be the only plausible solution.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
i never learn
And so here I go again. Finding myself asking the ultimate question "why?". One of my new year's resolution err.. to do's was to stay away from heart breaking situations. First thing I did after "healing" was to subject myself in another heart-breaking-although-a-lot-less-painful-than-before scenario. The worst part is, it didn't happen only once. There were a lot of these scenarios during the last 8 months. Yes. I can be stubborn. I am stubborn. Indeed, one of the toughest things to do is to follow your own advice.
I don't know what I want and I end up getting myself hurt in the process. When will I see the bigger picture? Why are all these things happening? I found myself in emo mode once again last night. There were some tears. Out of frustration. Hopefully, I'd find the answers soon.
I don't know what I want and I end up getting myself hurt in the process. When will I see the bigger picture? Why are all these things happening? I found myself in emo mode once again last night. There were some tears. Out of frustration. Hopefully, I'd find the answers soon.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
chocolate hills, tarsiers and having the greatest vacation of all time...
After 6 loooong months of waiting, our Bohol trip finally happened! There were a few bumps during the wait but nevertheless it was still one amazing experience.
Day 1:
2 Hours before riding the plane, I confirmed my reservation in Alona Kew. That's how unplanned this trip was. Yes, we knew 6 months before that we are going to Bohol but we didn't make any reservations months before the trip. Pretty brave eh!
Going there was a breeze, it was scorching hot in Manila so we expected the same sunlight upon arrival in Bohol. Much to our surprise/dismay, it was cloudy and drizzling in that part of the island. The 30-minute ride to Panglao Island was great, we can already see the wonderful waters of Bohol. We didn't get to do much on this first day but to explore the place.. find budget resto, gimik place and the like.
Bohol is a place conducive for couples and lovers. It's so peaceful that you will really get to have quality time with your loved one. Prior to the trip, some people were tellling us that it's kinda boring if you'd go with your friends since there's no night life there. All I can say is, I was with the best company. There was never a time that we got bored during our stay.
Day 2: Island Tour
I was pretty excited with the countryside tour. I'd finally get to see the chocolate hills and the tarsier! Kuya Gary, our driver and tour guide, told us some pretty interesting things about Bohol. Here are some:
It was past lunchtime when we got to the tarsiers. I was expecting to enter a forest and see the tarsier from there but the place where the captive tarsiers were located are far from what I expected. They were just hanging by a plant! Anyway, the tarsiers are sooo cute eventhough I was afraid to stick my face right beside them as it might jump on my head. :p
After the tarsier experience we boarded the floating restaurant for the loboc river cruise! The food was not that great but the view and the whole experience of the cruise was well worth the buffet fee we paid for. There was even a mini-falls on one part of the river. We got lucky with our raft as it's the happiest raft in the river. The band that was playing is good. They played a lot of oldies-but-goodies songs which made us dance a little. Everybody in that cruise had fun!!!
Next stop was the Baclayon church and the watchtower. Baclayon church is really old. There were artifacts that are more than 2 centuries old! And they were able to preserve it that long. We then went to the watchtower where Cesar proposed to Sunshine... took lots of pictures from Kharol's phone cam and then went back to the resort.
Our second day is tiring but it was so much fun! Hopefully when we come back, we'd be able to see the chocolate hills again, hopefully with no mint flavor that time. :P
Day 3: The day our second life began
Day 3 was reserved for the island hopping experience. Sunny but super windy day resulted to a death-defying boat ride. I swore I've never been that scared my whole life. My heart was pumping with every wave. Even our 11-year friendship was on the line on that thrilling boat ride. When we got to the Virgin island, I guess the near death experience was worth it. hehe.. The waters are soooo clear! I swear, my fear with the sun was overpowered by my longing to swim in the clear water. I've never seen such beach in my whole life. The name speaks for itself, it is virgin and pure in it's truest sense of the word. After that, we went snorkeling before proceeding to Doljo beach where Ananyana is located. Ananyana is actually the 5th best spa place in the whole world. That is according to their website. =) The waters are so calm and peaceful when we got there, it was tempting to just sleep in the hammock all day. We went back to Alona beach using a different mode of transpo as we're too damn scared to brave the fierce waters again. We rode a trike on our way back. Talk about adventure!
That night, since it was our last night, we drank like crazy! Gulping a whole pitcher of alcohol in just 20 minutes. When I lied down, it was like I was knocked down by aneasthesia. I just woke up the next morning trying to recall what happened. =)
Day 4:
This was our last day and we went out to the beach, all bright and sunny... with smaller waves this time. The beach is really amazing. Words can't even begin to describe how beautiful the place is. We took lots of pictures.. no.. make that TONS of pictures. We managed to take a little less than 900 pictures in just 4 days! We took pictures from sariling-sikap shots to friendster-primary-photo shots.
As we head back to our cottage, I marvelled at this amazing beach one more time. Just by staring at the sea made all the 6 months of waiting worth it!
I wouldn't mind going back to Bohol. It's officially one of my favorite places now... if not my most favorite. =)
Day 1:
2 Hours before riding the plane, I confirmed my reservation in Alona Kew. That's how unplanned this trip was. Yes, we knew 6 months before that we are going to Bohol but we didn't make any reservations months before the trip. Pretty brave eh!
Going there was a breeze, it was scorching hot in Manila so we expected the same sunlight upon arrival in Bohol. Much to our surprise/dismay, it was cloudy and drizzling in that part of the island. The 30-minute ride to Panglao Island was great, we can already see the wonderful waters of Bohol. We didn't get to do much on this first day but to explore the place.. find budget resto, gimik place and the like.
Bohol is a place conducive for couples and lovers. It's so peaceful that you will really get to have quality time with your loved one. Prior to the trip, some people were tellling us that it's kinda boring if you'd go with your friends since there's no night life there. All I can say is, I was with the best company. There was never a time that we got bored during our stay.
Day 2: Island Tour
I was pretty excited with the countryside tour. I'd finally get to see the chocolate hills and the tarsier! Kuya Gary, our driver and tour guide, told us some pretty interesting things about Bohol. Here are some:
- the blood compact "shrine" is not where the real event happened, historians made a study and found out that it happened on the other town of Bohol. I forgot what town it is.
- Cesar Montano proposed in the watchtower near the Baclayon church with the Loboc children's choir singing for Sunshine. Awww.. our expectations for our own proposals just got a notch higher.
- Tarsier foreplay lasts for 3 months which involves chasing each other from one branch to another... and the main part lasts for only 3 seconds. O please, please.. don't let me be a tarsier in my next life. hahaha
- underneath the chocolate hills are coral stones
It was past lunchtime when we got to the tarsiers. I was expecting to enter a forest and see the tarsier from there but the place where the captive tarsiers were located are far from what I expected. They were just hanging by a plant! Anyway, the tarsiers are sooo cute eventhough I was afraid to stick my face right beside them as it might jump on my head. :p
After the tarsier experience we boarded the floating restaurant for the loboc river cruise! The food was not that great but the view and the whole experience of the cruise was well worth the buffet fee we paid for. There was even a mini-falls on one part of the river. We got lucky with our raft as it's the happiest raft in the river. The band that was playing is good. They played a lot of oldies-but-goodies songs which made us dance a little. Everybody in that cruise had fun!!!
Next stop was the Baclayon church and the watchtower. Baclayon church is really old. There were artifacts that are more than 2 centuries old! And they were able to preserve it that long. We then went to the watchtower where Cesar proposed to Sunshine... took lots of pictures from Kharol's phone cam and then went back to the resort.
Our second day is tiring but it was so much fun! Hopefully when we come back, we'd be able to see the chocolate hills again, hopefully with no mint flavor that time. :P
Day 3: The day our second life began
Day 3 was reserved for the island hopping experience. Sunny but super windy day resulted to a death-defying boat ride. I swore I've never been that scared my whole life. My heart was pumping with every wave. Even our 11-year friendship was on the line on that thrilling boat ride. When we got to the Virgin island, I guess the near death experience was worth it. hehe.. The waters are soooo clear! I swear, my fear with the sun was overpowered by my longing to swim in the clear water. I've never seen such beach in my whole life. The name speaks for itself, it is virgin and pure in it's truest sense of the word. After that, we went snorkeling before proceeding to Doljo beach where Ananyana is located. Ananyana is actually the 5th best spa place in the whole world. That is according to their website. =) The waters are so calm and peaceful when we got there, it was tempting to just sleep in the hammock all day. We went back to Alona beach using a different mode of transpo as we're too damn scared to brave the fierce waters again. We rode a trike on our way back. Talk about adventure!
That night, since it was our last night, we drank like crazy! Gulping a whole pitcher of alcohol in just 20 minutes. When I lied down, it was like I was knocked down by aneasthesia. I just woke up the next morning trying to recall what happened. =)
Day 4:
This was our last day and we went out to the beach, all bright and sunny... with smaller waves this time. The beach is really amazing. Words can't even begin to describe how beautiful the place is. We took lots of pictures.. no.. make that TONS of pictures. We managed to take a little less than 900 pictures in just 4 days! We took pictures from sariling-sikap shots to friendster-primary-photo shots.
As we head back to our cottage, I marvelled at this amazing beach one more time. Just by staring at the sea made all the 6 months of waiting worth it!
I wouldn't mind going back to Bohol. It's officially one of my favorite places now... if not my most favorite. =)
Saturday, August 26, 2006
benchmark
And everybody else seems so trivial and plain compared to him. He is not exceptionally intelligent but he has his way of making up for that. Or maybe my qualifications ain't that deep. I'm such a sucker for people who can carry theirselves very well. He does that with so much class. I don't like him at first, but the way he treated me that night made me feel otherwise. Power is a great aphrodisiac according to my friend. I've proven that.. I'm drawn to him now. I thought R's commanding personality is way above everybody else... until M came into my life.
He's a tough act to follow. Now, falling for someone seem as impossible as travelling back in time. So why not fall for him instead? He's out of my league and getting serious with him would mean headaches and endless paranoia. Much as his personality is enchanting, I can't even begin to imagine what I'd be feeling the moment he's not by my side. There have been a LOT of girls involved with him. And I'm not even expecting him to change because of me. That's another impossibility. Most women get trapped in that illusion.
I'm trying to erase him out of my life. I try my best to get interested with other people. Sadly, I can't seem to be mesmerized with anyone else. Even R can't live up to him. What do I do now? When every guy that comes my way seems to be getting better and better and yet they don't seem to be the serious type. He set the bar way too high... even I can't reach it anymore!
He's a tough act to follow. Now, falling for someone seem as impossible as travelling back in time. So why not fall for him instead? He's out of my league and getting serious with him would mean headaches and endless paranoia. Much as his personality is enchanting, I can't even begin to imagine what I'd be feeling the moment he's not by my side. There have been a LOT of girls involved with him. And I'm not even expecting him to change because of me. That's another impossibility. Most women get trapped in that illusion.
I'm trying to erase him out of my life. I try my best to get interested with other people. Sadly, I can't seem to be mesmerized with anyone else. Even R can't live up to him. What do I do now? When every guy that comes my way seems to be getting better and better and yet they don't seem to be the serious type. He set the bar way too high... even I can't reach it anymore!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
25 years
Yep! Whether I like it or not, it was inevitable... I turned 25! Despite my constant whining about getting a year older, I realized it's not that bad. My 24th year was one heck of a ride! It was an amazing and blessed year. Having parents who understood every craziness and every misbehavior (haha!). Having good friends who stays with me thru thick and thin. Meeting new ones who adds spice to this already seasoned life!
There were a couple of surprises that came. All I can say is... life is good. Life has been good to me. It may be a bumpy ride but it was well worth everything.
To everyone who greeted, thanks so much! You've made my birthday all the more special. =)
There were a couple of surprises that came. All I can say is... life is good. Life has been good to me. It may be a bumpy ride but it was well worth everything.
To everyone who greeted, thanks so much! You've made my birthday all the more special. =)
Monday, August 14, 2006
choices...
I'm currently in a very confused state. I can't seem to rid my mind of this "thought". I just don't know why several similar things are happening lately. When I vowed that I'd take full control again, I was so sure that I won't be presented with situations which will make me go back to my old ways. Everything has a purpose, as I always believed. I'm currently deciphering what this incident's purpose is to me.
Everything was easy before. I can just walk away without any traces. This time, I don't know how to deal with it. I can run but I don't think I can hide. Or maybe there is nothing to hide from. Maybe the simplest answer may be THE answer to all my questions. I'm not really sure. What I'm sure right now is that I've never been this confused in my whole life!
I'm so unglued at the moment.
I want to go to this resolution that I'll just shrug it off. Treat him again the way I treated him before.. apathetic! I just don't know if I'm going to pull it off.
I really want to know the purpose of this one. Just as things are getting really exciting, it's becoming way too much for me to handle. Too much that I can't even think and reflect about my birthday!
Why the title? Because everything is about choices and I chose to be illogical again resulting to this confusion. I have no one else to blame but myself.
Everything was easy before. I can just walk away without any traces. This time, I don't know how to deal with it. I can run but I don't think I can hide. Or maybe there is nothing to hide from. Maybe the simplest answer may be THE answer to all my questions. I'm not really sure. What I'm sure right now is that I've never been this confused in my whole life!
I'm so unglued at the moment.
I want to go to this resolution that I'll just shrug it off. Treat him again the way I treated him before.. apathetic! I just don't know if I'm going to pull it off.
I really want to know the purpose of this one. Just as things are getting really exciting, it's becoming way too much for me to handle. Too much that I can't even think and reflect about my birthday!
Why the title? Because everything is about choices and I chose to be illogical again resulting to this confusion. I have no one else to blame but myself.
Tuesday, August 8, 2006
thank you
To you... who after all these time can still make me smile and make me feel that good old giddy feeling inside. You may not know it but you have been my savior since my life went in limbo. Now that I'm quite stable, you still have this magic in you which takes me back to that "high school kilig" feeling. Thank you. Just when I thought I'm not capable of feeling this anymore, you were again there to prove me otherwise. What does this say about us? I don't know. I'm just happy to be seeing you again. =)
Friday, July 28, 2006
trips, trips, trips
This is supposed to be a record of all my travels but the past few entries have been all emotional. So now, I'm recalling the past major trips I had for the past two months. Actually, there's only two. My Subic trip with tuknene and the much awaited Cebu getaway with my officemates.
Here's the pix from the Subic Trip last June.
Here's the pix from the Subic Trip last June.
Highlights: yummy bibingka at the bus stop, 7-hour nonstop chitchat, rain in the beach, interesting foreigners, andoks midnight snack, gian's "surprise" visit, KAYAK!, racing, big breakfast at bart's, hilarious tahong story and going straight to UP's isawan after a 3-hour trip.
And here some of the pix from Cebu:
Trip Highlights: plane ride of course! laughing over meals that take hours to prepare. yummy lechon. dangerous ride to "tops". the view at "tops". sutokil. tambuli beach. 400 peso buffet that I did not enjoy due to stomach pains. busog-meals not exceeding 150 pesos. 2 straight gimik nights. danggit! 3-hour waiting time due to delayed flights and laugh trips that never cease.
Monday, July 24, 2006
turning point
After vowing in my last post that I'd be stepping on the brakes, I hit gas once again! I told myself I needed this one last "craziness" to be my turning point to going back to serious mode.
Life has chapters and every person that comes your way always has a purpose. This person, that unexpectedly came one night, marked the beginning of a new chapter of my life. He brought a lot of excitements and adventures that I never thought I'll be experiencing. He opened my eyes to a lot of new things. I find myself in unchartered waters when I'm with him. I swore before that I won't be fooled by his type, but in dealing with him I somehow learned how to play the game.
Prolonging a chapter in ones life may do more harm than good. Even if the set up is very convenient. I realized that I may be more susceptible to hurt if I continue being with him. The walls I have built may not be that strong once I let myself deeper into the situation. So I'm ending it now. To save me from unnecessary pain. To save me from the pain that I know is not worth it. This time around, the juice ain't worth the squeeze. So I have to stop.
In this one last feat, I still don't have any regrets. A part of me was telling me not to, but the louder voice insisted that I needed to do this. To kill any ounce of curiosity I have left of him. I got what I needed. I had my closure. Women are suckers for closure, right? And I'm one of them. And that one last craziness was my ending to this chapter. I am now ok with the possibility that I may not see him again. He has served his purpose.
The lesson? This time, (as one friend pointed out) I have to liberate myself from what I think was missing before. If I've learned to let go of what I had, I should also let go of what was lacking. I involved myself in this hoping that I'd be able fill that missing gap. But I had too much of it and we all know that everything should just be taken in moderation.
The challenge.. sticking to everything I just said above. haha! Yes, I tend to be forgetful sometimes specially if the illogical side kicks in again but I do have my friends to wack me back to logical thinking.
So far, so good. 2006 is turning out to be one unforgettable year.
Life has chapters and every person that comes your way always has a purpose. This person, that unexpectedly came one night, marked the beginning of a new chapter of my life. He brought a lot of excitements and adventures that I never thought I'll be experiencing. He opened my eyes to a lot of new things. I find myself in unchartered waters when I'm with him. I swore before that I won't be fooled by his type, but in dealing with him I somehow learned how to play the game.
Prolonging a chapter in ones life may do more harm than good. Even if the set up is very convenient. I realized that I may be more susceptible to hurt if I continue being with him. The walls I have built may not be that strong once I let myself deeper into the situation. So I'm ending it now. To save me from unnecessary pain. To save me from the pain that I know is not worth it. This time around, the juice ain't worth the squeeze. So I have to stop.
In this one last feat, I still don't have any regrets. A part of me was telling me not to, but the louder voice insisted that I needed to do this. To kill any ounce of curiosity I have left of him. I got what I needed. I had my closure. Women are suckers for closure, right? And I'm one of them. And that one last craziness was my ending to this chapter. I am now ok with the possibility that I may not see him again. He has served his purpose.
The lesson? This time, (as one friend pointed out) I have to liberate myself from what I think was missing before. If I've learned to let go of what I had, I should also let go of what was lacking. I involved myself in this hoping that I'd be able fill that missing gap. But I had too much of it and we all know that everything should just be taken in moderation.
The challenge.. sticking to everything I just said above. haha! Yes, I tend to be forgetful sometimes specially if the illogical side kicks in again but I do have my friends to wack me back to logical thinking.
So far, so good. 2006 is turning out to be one unforgettable year.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
breathing space
I finally have some time to breath. The past few days seemed like a blur. I didn't know how I managed to pull through those tight deadlines, endless meetings and midterms in school! I can feel my head starting to ache due to tremendous stress. I slept for the past days with my stat book serving as my pillow and then waking up with a feel of a rock on my head and trying to pull myself together amidst all the things to be done. This is not the last of it though. I'm actually in the first stages of a very busy month ahead. All the energy-reviving activities I've done in Cebu are now totally gone. I need another vacation to make up for the stress this week. I'm so looking forward to weekends when I can finally get my 10-hour sleep!
**************************
I'm missing someone right now. Life seems a little more exciting when he's around but I don't want to exert any effort anymore. I'm done with all his games and maybe I'm back to my cautious self. I've been possessed by my "id" the past months--the one which doesn't think and just goes for anything. I'm starting to step on the brakes as one friend has already expressed worry. I'm trying to change some of my principles a little bit. Just a little. I don't want to turn into ms. safe all of a sudden. I will still be taking risks, but with more thought before the plunge. =)
**************************
I'm missing someone right now. Life seems a little more exciting when he's around but I don't want to exert any effort anymore. I'm done with all his games and maybe I'm back to my cautious self. I've been possessed by my "id" the past months--the one which doesn't think and just goes for anything. I'm starting to step on the brakes as one friend has already expressed worry. I'm trying to change some of my principles a little bit. Just a little. I don't want to turn into ms. safe all of a sudden. I will still be taking risks, but with more thought before the plunge. =)
Thursday, July 13, 2006
fooled twice
My gulay. I really am a magnet of a**holes lately. I think I have this sign on my forehead which reads, "you can mess with me". He is no different from his friend and I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he's less of a jerk. His behavior today proved otherwise. I really shouldn't be bothered with these things. This is just a waste of my effort and energy.
Tuesday, July 4, 2006
standstill
My life seems to be at a standstill right now. No major happenings. No major pains or joys. I'm trying to make it exciting but I seem to have run out of gas. Everything is stable at school. Even the tons of work can't make my mind rid of the thought that NOTHING is happening in my life right now. No exciting news to tell, no new thing to explore. I hope this is a temporary phase as I will go nuts if this will continue.
It sucks to feel this way. Especially if the first half of the year have been nothing but a roller coaster ride! And now everything seems to be at a complete stop. I don't know where to go and I don't know what to do to get me out of this rut. I just hope things will look up... soon!
It sucks to feel this way. Especially if the first half of the year have been nothing but a roller coaster ride! And now everything seems to be at a complete stop. I don't know where to go and I don't know what to do to get me out of this rut. I just hope things will look up... soon!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
tired
I'm constantly feeling tired lately. I've been running around like a headless chicken--work, school, gimiks, out of town. I enjoy school, it's the loads of assignments which are killing me. I can't seem to put myself to learning mode everytime I walk out of the RCBC campus. Gimiks and out-of-towns are already a given that it's fun, but there seem to be a lot of it lately. As in overlapping pa. I'm not really complaining but I don't seem to have enough time for myself lately (read: sleep).
I know this is a test of my time management skills, which by the way I don't have--at all! I'm a chronic procrastinator. Good thing I'm good at cramming but juggling work and school and social life is finally taking it's toll on me. I'm burning out.. fast!
I need to find a way to somehow squeeze everything in. I don't want to give up my social life as it's the only reason why I'm still sane today. =) I don't want to give up school because I really want to finish my masters and well, that leaves work which is my least favorite of all but is the most vital as it sustains my school and social life. There must be some way to do all of these things without stressing myself out too much! I just need to find out the answer fast!
I know this is a test of my time management skills, which by the way I don't have--at all! I'm a chronic procrastinator. Good thing I'm good at cramming but juggling work and school and social life is finally taking it's toll on me. I'm burning out.. fast!
I need to find a way to somehow squeeze everything in. I don't want to give up my social life as it's the only reason why I'm still sane today. =) I don't want to give up school because I really want to finish my masters and well, that leaves work which is my least favorite of all but is the most vital as it sustains my school and social life. There must be some way to do all of these things without stressing myself out too much! I just need to find out the answer fast!
Thursday, May 18, 2006
gusto kong mag-swimming..
Haay.. I miss the beach. I wish I can just pack my bags and lie on the sand! Lately, it has been raining so no one is actually in the mood to plan any beach trip for the weekend. I'd be going to Subic (again!) though on the first week of June to celebrate one my friends birthday. I just wish the sun is shining that day otherwise our planned watersports activities may not push through.
This has been a stressful week. Deadlines, meetings, reports! It's just so tiring. I do want a new job pretty soon I just don't have enough drive to search for one. I can't even go online during weekends as I usually spend it out of town or chitchatting while binge-eating with friends.
My classes will start next week. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Para akong ikakasal! Not that I've experienced getting married. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to meet lots of interesting people there. Most of my friends are actually teasing me that I may find "the one" in one of my classes. Honestly, I'm not really expecting that. If I'd be able to meet someone there that would be great but I'm not keeping hopes up. I just don't want to set myself up to disappointments.
This has been an incoherent post. I just want to say... I need a vacation!!!
This has been a stressful week. Deadlines, meetings, reports! It's just so tiring. I do want a new job pretty soon I just don't have enough drive to search for one. I can't even go online during weekends as I usually spend it out of town or chitchatting while binge-eating with friends.
My classes will start next week. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Para akong ikakasal! Not that I've experienced getting married. Anyway, I'm really looking forward to meet lots of interesting people there. Most of my friends are actually teasing me that I may find "the one" in one of my classes. Honestly, I'm not really expecting that. If I'd be able to meet someone there that would be great but I'm not keeping hopes up. I just don't want to set myself up to disappointments.
This has been an incoherent post. I just want to say... I need a vacation!!!
Thursday, May 11, 2006
something's wrong
I have a very different outlook lately. I don’t want serious relationships at the moment. I am only capable of entertaining Mr. Right NOW. I am ok with no-strings-attached type of relationships. Somewhere in the lines of "it's complicated" in friendster lingo. I think I have built invisible walls around me to not get emotionally involved with anyone. Perhaps the pain that I went through last year may be a reason why my beliefs are in total disarray. Don't get me wrong.. I am doing fine now. It's just that the thought of having to go through the same pain scares me to death.
I know my frame of mind is wrong. I just can’t help it. There are some lessons in life that you don’t forget. And this lesson in love I learned the hard way. Maybe I'm not ready to take that big leap of giving my heart away again.
I still would want to believe in happy-ever-after, magic, soulmates and “the one” but for now.. guys would have to exert a lot of effort convincing me to take the plunge. I do like the attention I'm getting every once in a while. Maybe it's not yet time to be serious with this lovelife stuff. But then again, someone can just change my mind. =)
I know my frame of mind is wrong. I just can’t help it. There are some lessons in life that you don’t forget. And this lesson in love I learned the hard way. Maybe I'm not ready to take that big leap of giving my heart away again.
I still would want to believe in happy-ever-after, magic, soulmates and “the one” but for now.. guys would have to exert a lot of effort convincing me to take the plunge. I do like the attention I'm getting every once in a while. Maybe it's not yet time to be serious with this lovelife stuff. But then again, someone can just change my mind. =)
Friday, May 5, 2006
getting serious
I received a call from la salle yesterday telling me that I can now enroll for their 1st term. There would be a career consultation on May 8 and enrollment is on May 13. Classes will start May 22. Seems so near. And I haven't fully decided yet if I really want to pursue graduate studies. I just took the exam to somehow take the 1st step without deciding if I will take it all the way. I know my social life will have to take a backseat from here on but then again I would be meeting lots of new people in my classes.
My fear is that I might not have enough will-power to finish this 2 1/2 year course. It's all or nothing. If I will start this I have to finish, otherwise it will just be a waste of time.
The thing is, this is the only hard proof that I am getting serious with my life. People often regard me as a happy-go-lucky type of person and I am, but I do have goals in life as well. I dream of big things and I know that there's no shortcut to success but 2 1/2 years is far too long for me considering the impatient person that I am. I don't know. Maybe it will be worth it. I'll probably test the waters to see what's waiting for me there. Wish me luck.
My fear is that I might not have enough will-power to finish this 2 1/2 year course. It's all or nothing. If I will start this I have to finish, otherwise it will just be a waste of time.
The thing is, this is the only hard proof that I am getting serious with my life. People often regard me as a happy-go-lucky type of person and I am, but I do have goals in life as well. I dream of big things and I know that there's no shortcut to success but 2 1/2 years is far too long for me considering the impatient person that I am. I don't know. Maybe it will be worth it. I'll probably test the waters to see what's waiting for me there. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, May 3, 2006
taking risks
There are times when you really just have to know what's in store for you. Knowing you might regret it if you don't take the risk. I was curious. I took the risk. No regrets. Although the events following after are not exactly what I had in mind, still, I would have done exactly the same thing all over again. As said in one of my emails.. "While our decisions may not always lead us to what we thought we wanted, we always end up with what will ultimately make us happiest."
This incident did not make my behavior do a 180 degree turn but it's very enlightening to know that I am capable of such "illogical" behavior. That I am capable of just going with my guts and trusting that this is what's supposed to happen. There is a purpose for everything. There are no accidents. And I trust that this recent happening in my life was included in God's grand plan for me.
What's next? I'm really dying to find out. Life seems to be getting more exciting by the moment. =)
This incident did not make my behavior do a 180 degree turn but it's very enlightening to know that I am capable of such "illogical" behavior. That I am capable of just going with my guts and trusting that this is what's supposed to happen. There is a purpose for everything. There are no accidents. And I trust that this recent happening in my life was included in God's grand plan for me.
What's next? I'm really dying to find out. Life seems to be getting more exciting by the moment. =)
Friday, March 17, 2006
my third puerto galera
Yep. My third time there.. at hindi pa ko nagsasawa! Gusto ko pa rin bumalik. =) I think eversince nakarating ako dun last November 2004, every six months bumabalik ako. The beach is not that extraordinary but it's the people that makes it extra special and what makes me come back. Plus, there's this feeling that you can be who you want to be. It's like a paradise where you can fulfill your fantasies. You gain a different kind of confidence. It would be interesting to note though that my first 2 trips going there, I was nursing a broken heart. The 1st one was when the ex went abroad and the 2nd one was when we split up. This time, however, I was neither sad nor happy. I was in a neutral mode this time. =)
My latest trip in galera was a very relaxing one. I stayed there for 3 glorious days. No rush in doing things. We went out to the beach while the sun was setting and we just laid back there just relaxing. We're all so relaxed that the first night we were there, we were not able to go out on gimik. Nakatulog kaming lahat! The power nap turned out to be a power slumber. So we woke up the next day completely rested and raring to go snorkeling. It was my 2nd time to snorkel and unlike my first, I wasn't anymore panicky and managed to enjoy the corals and the fishes. We even went to this private beach, super ganda! I just stayed under the shade and emoted (haha!) while my friends tried to get a tan.
On our second night, we made sure na makakagimik na kami. Just when I thought we will be ending the night early, somebody from the other table approached us and asked us if we can join them. I was hesitant at first kasi wala ako sa mood maging sociable that night and one of my friends was having problems with her bf. But then I thought, it will be a good way to widen our network. And so, we agreed. There were around 15++ guys in the table plus 1 girl but only 3 were talking to us. J, V and R I like J at first. Sha talaga ung tipo kong guy. Tall, white and thin (hmm.. sounds familiar? hehe..). But it was R who stole my attention away from him. R is more like me, only louder! He saw me at my worst but he still attended to me. He was kind enough to bring us back to our cottage. He attended to me while I was calling "uwaks" sa labas ng cottage namin. I didn't appreciate it that night. I kept thinking he's not a sincere person and he's just a play time kind of guy. But looking back I now appreciate what he did. No stranger has ever done that to me before and he even texted me the next day to ask if I was ok. I woke up the next day with a very bad hangover...swearing not to be near any alcoholic drinks in the next.. 2 days. =) The boat ride was a hell ride as I kept controlling myself not to vomit.
Overall, it was one great vacation!! I was able to relax and I went back to Manila with a happy heart. It's the most interesting galera trip I've had so far. Come to think of it.. my trips to Puerto keeps getting interesting each time. Can't wait for the next one!! =)
My latest trip in galera was a very relaxing one. I stayed there for 3 glorious days. No rush in doing things. We went out to the beach while the sun was setting and we just laid back there just relaxing. We're all so relaxed that the first night we were there, we were not able to go out on gimik. Nakatulog kaming lahat! The power nap turned out to be a power slumber. So we woke up the next day completely rested and raring to go snorkeling. It was my 2nd time to snorkel and unlike my first, I wasn't anymore panicky and managed to enjoy the corals and the fishes. We even went to this private beach, super ganda! I just stayed under the shade and emoted (haha!) while my friends tried to get a tan.
this is the life
On our second night, we made sure na makakagimik na kami. Just when I thought we will be ending the night early, somebody from the other table approached us and asked us if we can join them. I was hesitant at first kasi wala ako sa mood maging sociable that night and one of my friends was having problems with her bf. But then I thought, it will be a good way to widen our network. And so, we agreed. There were around 15++ guys in the table plus 1 girl but only 3 were talking to us. J, V and R I like J at first. Sha talaga ung tipo kong guy. Tall, white and thin (hmm.. sounds familiar? hehe..). But it was R who stole my attention away from him. R is more like me, only louder! He saw me at my worst but he still attended to me. He was kind enough to bring us back to our cottage. He attended to me while I was calling "uwaks" sa labas ng cottage namin. I didn't appreciate it that night. I kept thinking he's not a sincere person and he's just a play time kind of guy. But looking back I now appreciate what he did. No stranger has ever done that to me before and he even texted me the next day to ask if I was ok. I woke up the next day with a very bad hangover...swearing not to be near any alcoholic drinks in the next.. 2 days. =) The boat ride was a hell ride as I kept controlling myself not to vomit.
with my friend badet drinking the night away
Overall, it was one great vacation!! I was able to relax and I went back to Manila with a happy heart. It's the most interesting galera trip I've had so far. Come to think of it.. my trips to Puerto keeps getting interesting each time. Can't wait for the next one!! =)
Wednesday, March 8, 2006
waiting for mr. right.. no more!
Yep.. I've given up. No more hopes. Siguro darating na lang sha sa tamang panahon and now happens to be the wrong time. I've given up making excuses. My heart was not really totally shattered upon hearing the bad news. It's just that, I waited for him to come around and realize that I am worth his time and efforts. Story of my life.. waiting. This time, I waited in vain. Kelan kaya mangyayari na ako naman ung hinihintay. Right now, my heart is just tired. Kelangan ko muna tlaga shang ipahinga ng husto. It has been badly bruised for the past year and it can't take another beating. For now, I'll just try to enjoy the single life. Meeting people, travelling and just having fun.
Tuesday, March 7, 2006
outing galore
Here's the list of my major out of town trips lined up for the year:
July - Cebu
October - Bohol
November - Boracay (hopefully)
My Cebu and Bohol trips are already confirmed. Buti na lang nagpromo ang Cebu Pacific ng 10 pesos na tickets. Nabayaran na yan kaya wala ng atrasan. Boracay trip is still tentative. If sobra na ang gastos for the year, it has to be postponed next year. But definitely kelangan kong marating yan before I die!! =)
Life is sweet!! Thanks to Cebu Pacific! =)
next post: My puerto galera trip with tuks last feb.
July - Cebu
October - Bohol
November - Boracay (hopefully)
My Cebu and Bohol trips are already confirmed. Buti na lang nagpromo ang Cebu Pacific ng 10 pesos na tickets. Nabayaran na yan kaya wala ng atrasan. Boracay trip is still tentative. If sobra na ang gastos for the year, it has to be postponed next year. But definitely kelangan kong marating yan before I die!! =)
Life is sweet!! Thanks to Cebu Pacific! =)
next post: My puerto galera trip with tuks last feb.
Thursday, March 2, 2006
realizations...
Maybe ang purpose lang talaga nya sa buhay ko is to make me realize why my former relationship was not what I needed. It may be something that I have wanted before mainly because of the comfort. I'm ok with comfortable love but having experienced a glimpse of what "mad" love is makes me think otherwise and I realized that I needed someone who is passionate. Someone who'll use more of his heart when it comes to me. I'm not saying I didn't like or regret everything that happened between me and the ex but now it hit me that I was always expecting more from him to be more irrational and less logical. Our relationship seemed perfect but it lacked passion. The relationship was always on the safe side. But I guess I'm not the right girl to bring out that passionate side of him. And now, amidst my confusion as to why this new guy left me hanging in the air, I realized that I really am over my previous flame. I never thought darating tong araw na to. That I can see clearly why it will never work out anyway. Why God decided that we're better off apart. Sobrang galing ni Lord... especially the way he makes me realize things. For that Lord, I am grateful.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
fooled!
I met a guy who made me laugh without so much effort on my part to bring out that side of him...someone who made me feel like I'm the most beautiful girl on earth... someone who made me feel important and that meeting me was the best thing that ever happened to him...someone who actually has plans.. someone who's passionate.
Initially, I thought he was a fake.. I was so sure I won't like him.. then after some time of being consistent.. I let my guard down a bit.. and voila!! he made a fool out of me. Akala ko safe ako sa mga ganitong klase ng lalake. Akala ko, kayang kaya ko ng i-decipher kung sino ang manloloko sa hindi.. I was wrong!!! We could have had the best times together... sayang... I miss him though and I miss the way he made me feel..
Initially, I thought he was a fake.. I was so sure I won't like him.. then after some time of being consistent.. I let my guard down a bit.. and voila!! he made a fool out of me. Akala ko safe ako sa mga ganitong klase ng lalake. Akala ko, kayang kaya ko ng i-decipher kung sino ang manloloko sa hindi.. I was wrong!!! We could have had the best times together... sayang... I miss him though and I miss the way he made me feel..
Friday, February 17, 2006
Tagaytay
I went to Tagaytay last weekend with my office friends. We had a blast, as usual. Patawa ung paghahanap namin ng bahay. May na-encounter pa kaming mga haunted-type of houses. We chanced upon one resort. Super ganda! Fully furnished with computer and washing machine pa! o diba san ka pa. It costs 12K though. And for an impromptu gimik like this, that's way too much. We promised ourselves babalik kami with 25 more people in tow para konti lang ang gastos. hehehe.. Nwy, we found an apartelle which suited our taste and our budget. May swimming pool pa nga e. Pero di kami nagswim. We ate dinner just outside our room.. pra ma-feel namin na nasa tagaytay kami. Ang bilis namin naubos ung fud. Bago pa nagsebo ung bulalo, naubos na namin. After that, konting nood lang and we did our 2nd favorite past time (next to EATING!).. gambling! As usual, ang ingay namin. The good thing about this place though is hindi kami napatahimik. Ung mga katabi naming rooms e nasa honeymoon yata at hindi nagsisilabasan. We slept at around 4 am. We had fun. As always. Non-stop laughter talaga pag magkakasama kami. Nahatak pa namin ung isang officemate namin na walang kadala dala! Ang galing diba.. Ganun ka-unplanned itong lakad na to.
Here's one of our pix while drinking and gambling.. tsk, tsk, tsk.. masamang bisyo na ito..
10 minutes after this picture was taken, ubos na yang pagkain.. =)
Here's one of our pix while drinking and gambling.. tsk, tsk, tsk.. masamang bisyo na ito..
10 minutes after this picture was taken, ubos na yang pagkain.. =)
Fall for YOU
There's a right or wrong to know for everything
And the truth is somewhere written in between
But there's always something missing in the dark
Until you find the true condition of the heart
Well, I can visualize the pieces of a dream,
But it's not as far away as it may seem
But if truth be told, it's you that holds the key
To the question that defines my destiny
I've been in love, a time or two
I've seen the world, but not with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
I don't wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too
I've had plenty conversations with my heart
Coz I want this thing to work, not fall apart
So, I ask my heart how it can be so sure
And it answers me because your heart is pure
I've got every expectation that is true
Coz my heart won't lie to me, much less to you
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the future that becomes our destiny
Until the mountain snow melts into the stream
My heart flows like the river to sea
To the heavens up above,
I pray to God our destiny is love
when will I know the real score? hmm...
And the truth is somewhere written in between
But there's always something missing in the dark
Until you find the true condition of the heart
Well, I can visualize the pieces of a dream,
But it's not as far away as it may seem
But if truth be told, it's you that holds the key
To the question that defines my destiny
I've been in love, a time or two
I've seen the world, but not with you
I wanna fly and spread my wings
I don't wanna cry, I wanna sing
I wanna live and take a chance
I'm not afraid to love again
I wanna fall, fall for you
And I want you to fall for me too
I've had plenty conversations with my heart
Coz I want this thing to work, not fall apart
So, I ask my heart how it can be so sure
And it answers me because your heart is pure
I've got every expectation that is true
Coz my heart won't lie to me, much less to you
But if truth be told, it is you that holds the key
To the future that becomes our destiny
Until the mountain snow melts into the stream
My heart flows like the river to sea
To the heavens up above,
I pray to God our destiny is love
when will I know the real score? hmm...
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
welcome back!
hey, hey, hey! i'm back.. I read my last post.. mejo sad sha. Right now, i'm doing ok. Not really in cloud 9 but i'm getting by. I've learned a lot. And I've finally moved on (I think!). I guess malalaman ko to sa aking next pms. Baka dun ako atakihin ng depression. Pero right now, i'm just happy to be where i am and happy with the things that I'm doing.
Year of the dog na ngayon.. yahoo! Finally tapos na rin ang year of the rooster. Akala ko dati swerte ako because I was born on the year of the rooster. But no... God had other plans for me. He made me endure a lot of storms which I managed to survive with the help of my family and friends. I've learned a lot and I think I was able to help a lot people because I was able to experience one of the ultimate pains in life. It was a humbling experience for me.
Nwy, that's all for now. I gotta go meet my friend! ciao!
Year of the dog na ngayon.. yahoo! Finally tapos na rin ang year of the rooster. Akala ko dati swerte ako because I was born on the year of the rooster. But no... God had other plans for me. He made me endure a lot of storms which I managed to survive with the help of my family and friends. I've learned a lot and I think I was able to help a lot people because I was able to experience one of the ultimate pains in life. It was a humbling experience for me.
Nwy, that's all for now. I gotta go meet my friend! ciao!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)