holiday fever

Ugh! I'm too lazy to work. Holiday season + Pregnancy = Laziness at its finest! Hahaha! So here I am blogging. I'm actually drafting my posts for our love story, wedding kwento and my baby stories. But I'm still not done so here I am posting random thoughts again.

We just had our annual Christmas party at Hotel Intercon last night and you know what they say about pregnant people--that we guys are lucky! Indeed, after 5 Christmas parties, I finally won a prize in the raffle (and a major one at that!). Hah! I won a Ps 4,000 worth of Sodexho gift certificate. Not bad for someone who's so unlucky at raffle draws. This gift certificate just came in time with all the purchases we need to do before our bundle of joy arrives. Only 3 more months to go and we have to start preparing his things bit by bit.

Besides winning the raffle last night, it was also the first Christmas party that I wasn't able to enjoy the party that much. Huhu. I couldn't drink, I couldn't dance! Waaah! It was plain torture. I usually get wasted during these times and I am also one of the last ones to leave the party. But last night, I was forced to just sit down while the band is playing great great music with my mango juice on my right hand. Sigh. Maybe this is the reason why I was given one of the major prizes in our raffle. Hehe.. Hopefully, next year... I get to party hard and I get to win too! Haha.

I will post pictures of the anime-themed christmas party in my multiply account as soon as my officemates start uploading the pix. I used to get by without a digicam since most of the people around me have their own cams already. Besides, not having your own digicam meant more pictures on other people's camera. Hehe. So I never felt the need to buy one. Except now that baby Roger is coming. I can't constantly borrow my friends' cameras when our little boy starts walking, eating, or does anything amusing. Camera has now become a necessity for us so it's also part of the budget for the "things to buy" before the baby gets out. Ang gastos!


Anyway, it's nearing 5 o'clock already and I'm planning to get out of Makati early because most probably there are LOTS of Xmas parties today and trafik will just get worse as the night progresses. I shall sign off now. Happy weekend everyone!

i am blaming hormones for this

I am a risk taker. The courage to take risks comes with the idea that I can always get myself out of a situation when things get a little too messy for me. I realized that as I grow older and as situations get different (and more complex), I can't easily disappear in oblivion. I can't just boot myself out of frustrating situations. Because doing so can cause pain to people who matter to me.

Every challenge that come my way has always empowered me. Until now. Because now I feel my actions are limited. I feel like I'm strapped. That I can't do anything. I cannot even go to the nearest haven and let the waves wash off my frustrations.

Most days I'm happy. But there will always be days like this when things just don't seem to fall in its right place. I'll get over this.

baby roger

After months of speculation and lots of opinion from people around us, we now know our baby's gender! We went to my OB for my 3rd ultrasound last saturday and...


image from www.doodlesanddots.com/images/its_a_boy.jpg

The doting father can't contain his happiness when the sonographer (o sonologist? hehe) confirmed to us that we're having a son! J's dreams of teaching our baby all the possible sports (mind you, kulang na lang ituro nya pati shot put!) he can teach will now become a reality.

For some weird instincts, I always knew (way way before I got pregnant) that I'll be having a son for my firstborn. Hehe.. I guess my instincts were right. =)

More than our excitement on seeing our baby again, it was a relief knowing that all his body parts are complete and intact. We had a Congenital Anomaly Scan with the ultrasound and the doctor said that everything is pretty normal. Our son's estimated weight right now is around 1.3 lbs and the doctor said that it's the average weight for a baby on its 23rd week. Although, from what I've been reading, the baby should only be around 1 lb. So I'm really happy with how he's growing inside me. Also, baby roger has been really active lately especially at night. His movements can now be felt from outside unlike before that I was the only who can feel it.

I already have a name in mind for the baby but I'm not revealing it just yet because J is not that happy with it. I want a Spanish name for our baby but he wants a mix of Spanish and English name. Ang gusto ko kasi ung tipong parang haciendero ang dating ng pangalan ng anak ko! Kahit walang hacienda. Hahaha! Does anyone have any suggestions? =)

extra moolah

Just received the payments for my paid blogging services. They should have credited the money months before but there were some problems in payperpost so they just resent the money to my paypal account today. It's just $30 (supposed to be $32 but they charged a service fee), but considering that I only get to spend 10 minutes writing those entries and then I get paid, that I think is a lot already! Hehehe.. Di naman basta basta napupulot ang $30 sa daan. So, from now on, career na ito! Pambayad din ng credit card. =)

too good to be true

I knew it. It was just too good of a news to be true. J's 1 week training turned out to be a 3-month training which his "boss" didn't approve of. So now, he's ordered to go back to Nueva Ecija and join the rest of the batallion in their other training tomorrow. The location of which I can't reveal but it's far. They will be training there for 5 days lang naman. We're hoping the training would be for 3 days so he can still come home this weekend. Magpapa-ultrasound pa naman sana kami to know the baby's gender. Oh well! At least he had stayed 1 more day than the usual. =) I'm still grateful for that! Happy Monday everyone! I hope this week will be less stressful than what I had last week.

my gift for being a good girl

I'm getting an early Christmas gift. Santa was probably watching me and took pity that I've been staying in the office til after 7 pm this week, so I was rewarded for my hardwork. No, I'm not getting a raise or a promotion.. I'm getting something better! J will be spending the whole of next week here in Manila for a training in Fort Bonifacio! Hurray! I'm a weekend-wife no more! =) Although that would be for one week only, it's already considered a privilege for military wives like me. What a way to end this gruelling week!

P.S. I'm off to a surprise bridal shower for my officemate tonight! Let's parteeeeeh! =)

quick break

I'm taking a short breather before I jump to my next task.

I was browsing my multiply account when I saw my calendar (where I put my lakwatsa sked) saying "no upcoming events". Boohoo. Now that the wedding is done, the traveller in me is just itching to explore new places again! Sigh. My dream honeymoon before was to go out of the country. Sadly, that won't be possible right now because of hubby's work. Plus, I can't travel that much because of the baby. I swear, when the baby comes out and he/she is big enough to travel... magsasawa sa lakwatsa ang anak namin! =)

busy!

Haven't updated my blog. Work has been consuming most of my time. My partner in the department is having a difficult pregnancy. Doctor advised her to take bed rest for 2 more weeks. So I'm flying solo for now.

But I'm ok! And the baby's doing fine as well. I just felt him/her kick hard last night! I was so amazed! =) I just hope he/she will be this active when his/her daddy is here.

Ang dami kong utang na kwento! Hay! Will be back with regular programming as soon as the storm has passed here in the office.

wedding pix!

I just checked Ariel Javelosa's website and andun na ung pix namin! yey! Just click on this link.

Btw, I've already uploaded the photo slide show of the hotel preps and church ceremony shown during the reception sa multiply ko. Will still upload the onsite AVP (Ariel Javelosa's gift and surprise to us) when I get the DVD copy from their office.

Nakakamiss ang wedding preps! =)

brand new mrs!

I'm back! hahaha! Barely a week after the wedding and here I am blogging. I can't make this long though. Have to maximize hubby's vacation leave. I will post wedding kwentos and pictures soon. Ang masasabi ko lang, ang sarap magpakasal. Kakaiba ang feeling. We're still feeling the high from the wedding. We already got the raw pictures from our photographer. Ang dami! 3,500 pictures! Nalula kami sa kakatingin. Here's a sneak peek.



Catch you all again next time! =)

as the day draws near...

Ulk! I think I'm finally having the wedding jitters. I apologize if my last entries have been about mushiness, weddings and everything related to it. Well, it has consumed most of my time lately. And right now, it's all I can think about!

No, this feeling is not about commitment phobia or something to that effect. I'm very very sure of my decision to marry J. I'm so looking forward to the day I become Mrs. Bernadette G. Moldez. It's just that I feel like we still have a lot to do for the wedding! Aaargh! I don't know if I have covered everything already. I'm not an OC bride but I do wish to have a smooth-flowing and hassle free day come October 26.

I feel like we've already accomplished most of the aspects of the wedding but it seems like there are still some things missing.

To add to my anxiety, my vacation next week is still not final. I initially planned on taking my leave on the 23rd (when Trixie's back from Aus) but my regional officer is suddenly flying in from Taiwan on 22 and will not be leaving until the 24th! Ack! Talk about a nice wedding gift! So I'm still not sure if my local boss will allow me to take my leave on 23. Wish me luck!

J, on the other hand, starts his leave today! Haha.. Officially, his leave starts on Saturday (Oct. 20) but he was allowed to come here in Manila today! Yipee! He was even telling me that his batallion commander and ex-o have been wondering why he's still there in camp when he should be taking a leave already! Ang bait! Napahaba tuloy ang bakasyon nya! =)

Another blessing for us is the loooooong vacation on the last week of October. Oct 29, Oct 31 (half day), Nov. 1 and 2 are all declared non-working holidays! That means, I don't have to leave without pay (because I've already consumed most of my vacation leaves during the first half of the year!).

I'm grateful for his extended vacation and my extra days off but I still can't shake off these anxiety attacks! Hay!

The major thing I have to accomplish today is our misallete! Ayayay! I've been putting it off for days! Now I have to cram!

Can you tell that I'm starting to be incoherent! Grrr... Good thing "baby roger" (our term of endearment for our baby) is cooperating pretty well lately. No more bouts of vomitting and food sensitivity! My appetite is back!! Woohoo! I'm trying to gain back all the pounds I've lost for the past week. I just hope I don't go overboard! Last time I had my gown fitted, it was a bit masikip na! Hehe..

Anyway, thanks for letting this jittery bride vent out her anxieties! Ganito naman yata talaga pag malapit ng ikasal! *breath in, breath out*

i'm engaged!

Hahaha! Ye. I know. It's 2 weeks before the wedding day and it's kinda late to be announcing our engagement. We'll, J & I have been engaged for almost 3 months already. But the usual engagement ring was not part of it.

To give you a backgrounder, J actually proposed while we were watching a movie. Ratatouille to be exact. Unconventional, I know! It was actually an informal proposal. He just asked me "Kung yayain kitang pakasal ngayon, papayag ka ba?". Wedding plans were part of our discussions before but we both agreed that it will still take a long time before we can actually save up for the wedding we wanted. And so I thought this was just part of the usual conversation. I told him "Akala ko ba mag-iipon muna tyo?". He told me that we should be saving up for it starting now. I said ok and I continued to concentrate on the movie. After around 3 minutes, he asked me again "Di ka ba masaya?". Then I faced him and it suddenly dawned on me that this was his proposal! I was kinda irritated at first because how the heck am I going to tell our grandchildren how their lolo proposed to me. In the moviehouse? I was ecstatic about the idea of us getting married but the proposal didn't excite me at all. That week, we started setting a target year for the wedding. 2009 was the year agreed upon.

A week later, we learned that I was pregnant. I'll write a separate entry for that story.

And so, with the baby on the way, we decided that this year was probably the year God wanted us to tie the knot. He gave us this wonderful blessing and who are we to decline it. Wedding preparations took place and here we are, 2 weeks before we actually walk down that aisle.

Little did I know that J was actually cooking up something. I've already accepted the fact that I won't get the usual proposal (with the kneeling drama and the usual will you marry me line). But today, J gave me my engagement ring! PMA graduates actually have their own version of the engagement ring. It's not the usual diamond ring but a mini version of their class ring.

He was supposed to be going back to Nueva Ecija today after dropping me in Makati for work. But he said that he'll be waiting for Glorietta to open to buy some stuffs. I myself was busy in the office that I didn't get to check on his whereabouts this morning. He texted me an hour before 12 pm asking me if I already have plans for lunch. I grabbed to opportunity to have lunch with him today before he goes to Nueva Ecija. I was even insisting that we eat somewhere near my office but he wanted to have lunch in Greenbelt. And it was unusual that he actually has a preferred place for lunch.

On my way to Landmark to meet him, I suddenly craved for Smoked Spareribs from French Baker. When I told him that I wanted to eat there, he sounded kinda disappointed but gave in to my request anyway. While we were having lunch, I noticed he was a bit jittery. He didn't have the appetite for lunch since he still full from breakfast. And I thought he was having stomach pains again. He was actually waiting for me to finish. And it was also unusual of him to be asking me if I'm already done with my food. During the last part of my meal, he was already holding my left hand and this was not unusual so I was still clueless at that time. When suddenly, he slipped the ring on my finger and I was really really surprised. I could have cried but there were too many people so I tried to stop my tears. The whole morning that I thought he was in Glorietta, he actually went to Manila to get the mini ring that he ordered since last month! =)

Afterwards, he told me about his initial plans on how to give me the ring. He wanted to eat in greenbelt so we can find a place where they serve ice cream and he'll put the ring on the ice cream. Haha! Not really unusual type of gimik but I find it really sweet! So when I told him I wanted to eat in French Baker he tried to find another way. We ordered soup at that time and guess what? Yep! He initially planned on putting the ring on the soup. He actually did but half way through our meal, he figured I won't be able to finish the soup anymore since I'm already somewhat full with my rice meal. So he discreetly scooped the ring out of the soup and sneaked in the bathroom to wash it. That's when he decided that he'll just slip it on my finger.

So there. I think I just gave you a blow by blow account of what transpired today. Haha! Pagpasenshahan na. I still can't get this smile off my face. Even with the tons of work waiting for me here in the office, I don't really mind now. I'm just in cloud 9! =)

wedding to do's

With barely 3 weeks to go, panic button is already on for the wedding preps. There are still a lot of things to do and to purchase. Those little details that still require attention anyway. We've covered almost all the major aspects (church, venue, catering, photo and video) and we're like 60% done on distribution of the invites. The only ones that were left are those for my relatives in the province. But they've confirmed that they will come anyway. This will be a sorta reunion for both my mom and dad's side of the family.

Good thing that a long weekend is coming up so I have an extra day to do all the chores I need to do for the wedding. After almost 3 months of preparation, I actually want this wedding to happen already. More than my excitement for the wedding is my excitement for the marriage. After all these preparations, J & I can now finally spend our weekends for leisure. Not going from one supplier to another. We can now concentrate on our short-term and long-term plans. I can now go back to normal life. I can actually take my much-needed haircut (can't cut my hair so that the stylist would be able to do much on my hair come wedding day). I can go to the beach and not worry about getting dark. Haha. The simple pleasures. =) I miss going out with my friends. I miss bumming around.

I just pray that everything will be fine on the wedding day. That there will be no major obstacles that we'll encounter that day. =)

Btw, I still can't eat lunch and dinner. The only decent meal I can eat is breakfast. And I'm slowly losing weight! I don't want to look stick thin on the big day! Waaah! I'm now actually forcing myself to eat and doing every means to overcome this problem. Hay. Please pray for my full recovery.

..and i thought I've already recovered

Lunch and dinner seem to be quite a struggle the past days. I still can't eat solid foods without any urge to throw up. Hay! Nakakapagod na. Gusto ko ng kumain.

on motherhood

The past week that I was sick, my mom was the one taking care of me extensively. She would wake up in the middle of the night when I'm throwing up ready with hot water to ease the stomach pains. My mom took time off from her busy schedule to focus on me and make sure that I have everything I need all the time. If you know my mom, you know how busy she can get and how tight her schedule can be.

Almost every request, I always get immediately and without any hesitation or complaint from her. She even volunteered to sleep beside me so she can look after me throughout the night.

I was overwhelmed by all these. It's the first time in so many years that I was taken cared of like that again. It was like I was a kid all over again. Well, it's the first time actually that I had a case this sensitive ever since I started working.

I felt the unconditional love in its truest sense of the word from my mom. And I'm really really grateful for it. I'm actually teary-eyed right now just writing about it. Makes me think about me being a mother. Will I be able to give even half as much as what my mom gives me? Will I be able to give that unconditional love despite my child being a headache at times (well, a lot of times actually). Will I be that patient? I'm not really sure. Can I a be as superwoman as my mom? I'd be glad if I will be able to do even half of what she does.

on Luzon tour and my first time in ER

The past week have been quite busy for J and I. We headed to Nueva Ecija last saturday morning to supposedly meet his batallion commander to personally hand him our invitation because he is one of our ninongs. Unfortunately, he wasn't in camp when we arrived. So we proceeded to Baguio that afternoon to go to his foster parents to personally give the invitations as well. It was a welcomed "chore" for our wedding preps since I really miss going to Baguio. Just the thought of going to the Summer Capital makes me smile already. =) I don't have pictures. boohoo. As we didn't bring any camera (well, we don't actually have a camera to begin with! hehe). The pictures that we have are just those of our faces from J's phone cam and I don't want to bore you guys with that. =)

Anyway, we visited PMA of course. Chatted with some of his underclass. It was fun seeing J talk to his former schoolmates. Obviously, J missed his alma mater. Life as a cadet is really far easier as compared to the real world. My trip to Baguio will not be complete without going to Mines View and indulge in their pusit. Hehe.. I'm pretty sure pusit is available in some parts of Baguio but for some reason I keep going back to the stalls in Mines View. =) We didn't bother entering since it was really foggy and we don't really have that much time as we need to head back to Manila on Sunday night.

I just wish I can go back to Baguio again with no other agenda but to RELAX! =)

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Last wednesday, I had my first experience of ER. I've been vomitting like crazy since Wednesday night. Come Thursday morning, my mom decided to take me to the ER. Doctors told me that it must be something I ate. They can't give me any medications because of my "case" (more on that soon!). So they just advised me to take a no-fat diet. The only food I'm allowed to eat are crackers and fruits. Waaah! We headed straight home but come Friday, I'm still throwing up everything I take. So we headed back to my doctor in Capitol Medical Center and advised me to melt ice in my mouth whenever I feel like throwing up. If my vomitting continues, I will be confined. We headed back home again. Tried to eat again and fortunately, I didn't throw up. I was able to recover fully only today. I was able to eat solid foods again! Yipee! But I'm still being cautious about the oily foods.

We're blaming this on the burger we ate last Wednesday because J had a similar case as mine when he went back to Nueva Ecija. His case was diarrhea naman. He, on the other hand, has not fully recovered yet. But he is getting better everyday with the help of gatorade. Hehe.. If his sickness will continue, he'll be consulting a doctor already. Gusto pa kasi mag-self medicate muna bago magpatingin dw!

I'm sorry if my story grossed you out! Hehe.. Just sharing my very busy and sickly week. Hope we will be better next week and the weeks to come. Only 3 weeks to go before the big day and we don't want to be walking down the aisle unhealthy. =)

anti-climactic

This is one of our pre-nup pix.

So if there's a "pre-nup", then there must be a "nup".

Yep! I'm getting married! This has been my long overdue announcement. I have to make sure everything is settled (read: distribute the invitation to my officemates) before I make this big announcement.

One more month to go! =)

what might have been

Today, I could have been in paradise doing this right now...



Due to certain circumstances, we cannot push through with our trip to Palawan. I'm more than happy with the reasons why we can't go on this trip but it finally dawned on me that this is one aspect of my life that I would have to temporarily leave for now. But I will be back. With a vengeance! Palawan, I will see you next time!

UP Fight!

I can't believe I missed watching this year's cheerdance competition! To think I've been religiously following it for the past 5 or so years. Funny that I was only able to learn about it while I was in Seattle's Best last Sunday. There were a bunch of people talking about it on the other table.

UP WON FIRST PLACE!!!

Yahooo! I admit I'm a die-hard fan of the pep squad before. Eversince I've been watching the UAAP gamee, I'm really impressed with how unique and smooth the UP pep squad perform their half time cheers! And every year, people are expecting something new from the squad since they were the ones who revolutionized cheerdance here in the Philippines.

UP last won 1st place in 2001. It was a actually their 3rd consecutive win at that time but for the past 5 years, The UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe have been the reigning champion.

Sorry I don't have pictures to post! I just can't seem to find pictures of the recent competition (or hindi lang ako marunong maghanap!). I found one video in youtube but the quality is not that good since I think it was just taken from a phone cam. Anyway, I'm sure somebody will post the cheer (as seen on tv!) some time soon!

Congrats to the UP pep squad!! UP FIGHT!!!

BER na!

On my way home yesterday, I heard one of the saddest songs ever written. "Pasko na Sinta Ko" by Gary V. Yep. Just the melody of this song is just plain..sad. Anyway, my point is Christmas is coming soon! Yey!



I just love, love the holiday season. Mainly because everybody seems to be on a light mood and people tend to be kinder to each other. Except for taxi drivers who turns extra greedy and extra picky during the mad rush for Xmas shopping.

Xmas will be very different this year. I kinda want to celebrate it away from the city. As much as city celebration is colorful with all the lights, this time I want to take it slow and not jump from one party to another. Hopefully, J & I can spend xmas in J's hometown in Iligan. If his commander permits him to take a leave by then.

I'm excited on this holiday season. My gut is telling me that this will be one very meaningful Christmas. =) Let the countdown begin!

blog overhaul

Once again, I'm trying to change my blog template. I've been trying since time imemorial to change this template. This time, I'm successful. Partly. Because, successful as I was in incorporating the new template, I lost my tagboard, the payperpost logo and my multiply badge. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I will now try to figure out how to edit the html code to be able to insert the code for those 3 items that I lost. Whew! Kapagod ha! =)

feeling nostalgic

I so miss these guys! I chanced upon an old blog by a long lost friend (papang! nasan ka na ba? huling kita natin 2 months ago, di pa tyo nakapagkwentuhan!). When I read again the story of the group that made me look forward to weekends and the same group that made me appreciate going on trips with no planning, I suddenly slipped to nostalgic mode. We always had fun. We always go on out of town trips with no hotel/resort reservations or even a map. Just our instincts and the company of each other.

I'm still friends with them although I don't get to see them that much. Mga once every quarter na lang. Huhu. I miss them. Things have indeed changed. For all us. Payat pa kami noon! Haha. But I'm still glad that I have beautiful memories to look back to. Sana lang maulit ang mga ganitong pangyayari. =)

updates...

Hey, hey, hey! It's been almost 2 weeks since my last entry. I had to remove the dust and the spiderwebs that has been forming in my blog. Hehe.. Nwy, I still can't get the big news out. Maybe next time. I've already announced "the news" to most of my close friends and colleagues. I'll make my big announcement probably next week. Hopefully. ;P

So many things are happening. My world seemed to make a 180 degree turn. If my life was a roller coaster before, it's now more like I'm in the middle of a hurricane (exag!).

But I'm not really complaining. God has given me blessings more than I can imagine. I'm happy and contented with the way things are going. It's not picture perfect but I now know how to appreciate the things that come my way.

Before I forget, thanks to all those who remembered my birthday! I luv y'all! Mwah! Mwah! Even if my birthday was not as pleasant as my previous birthdays (don't really want to dwell on the details), I'm still blessed with a lot of things. And this is probably my most significant birthday. As said by one of my friends, He has given me the best gift. =)

On a sad note, I would like to extend my condolences to families and loved ones of those noble men who fought in Mindanao and who sacrificed their lives for our country. One of the casualties in the recent consecutive encounters in Mindanao is J's mistah. I actually accompanied J to the arrival honors of Lt. Charlie Camelon in Villamor Airbase last Aug 12. Charlie is actually the first casualty of the Maragtas class. (you can read his story here) I didn't know Hotdog (as his fondly called in PMA) personally. But when I saw his mom, my heart wept. Even more when I saw J and some of his mistah discreetly wiping their tears. It was indeed a sad moment. Something that I'm hoping and praying I won't witness again. J and I are just praying for Lt. Camelon's soul and the 4 junior officers who were J's upper class men (their story here). May they all rest in peace.

this will be quick

I'm back from hiatus. Unfortunately, I can't make this long. I have so many kwentos! I will be back with some big news. =)

today...

I want to write happy thoughts but I'm feeling otherwise. But I don't want another entry that's pertaining to sadness. This blog had it's more than enough share of my emo moments. I just want to write something inspiring. Maybe something that may boost my low energy today.

One of my officemates told me before that to be able to achieve something, you have to conceive it! Not conceive a baby of course! You have to conceive in your mind that you're gonna reach your goal. That you will get that dream job you've always wanted. That you'll be with someone who will love you for the rest of your life. That you will be able to buy that house you've long wanted. That you'll get that car you've seen when you pass by EDSA.

I remember the book I read before, "The Alchemist". One of it's famous lines goes "If you really want something, the universe conspires for you to get it". Yes. If you really conceive, circumstances will actually cooperate with you for you to be able to achieve that goal.

I have to learn to conceive... to achieve! Achieve whatever my dreams are. That I'm capable of great things. Things that will actually bring impact to others.

Maybe I'm conceiving too much negative thoughts that I'm actually attracting negative things. Maybe I'll start tomorrow. Because today, I don't have the slightest willpower to perk myself up. Tomorrow, I'll start anew.

travelling

Travelling has always been my passion. Learning a thing or two about a place I've never been to is one of my natural highs. Being able to explore a new place with great company is the ultimate adventure! Being the traveller that I am, I always make sure to go to at least one new place every year. Last year, I started to travel outside of Luzon and actually went to Cebu and Bohol! This year, I've been to the glorious beach of Boracay and come September, I'll be exploring the beautiful island of Palawan. We don't have a place to stay there yet and I'm actually planning on booking in Hotel Reservations for our lodging. This is a traveller-friendly website which helps us travellers have hassle-free adventures. They not only have a list of hotels where you can stay but they can also help you in booking for your flight and rent cars to use on your destination.



They actually have vacation packages to over 1,410 destinations! Plus, by booking with them, you can avail of discounts of up to 70%. With great discounts, you can actually save up so you can travel to more destinations.

Sometimes, when you're in a new place. It's hard to plan for the activities and places to visit. We often do research in the internet on a certain place just so we know what to do when we get to our destination. Good thing is, Hotel Reservations also gives great tips on activities on how you can maximize your vacation.

Booking with them is so easy as you can actually book your travels online. That's a hassle free way of getting things done so you don't have to go to your travel agency to book your flights and hotels. Your next great adventure is now just one click away.

Since I'm a frequent traveller, I'll book all my future travels with Hotel Reservations so I can just sit back, relax and enjoy my vacation.

TGIF!

Yipee! It's friday once again. My favorite day of the workweek! =)

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One of my payperpost post has already been approved, I'm now just waiting for them to approve the other post! Extra moolah for me! Yey!

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I haven't blogged about how I've started enjoying my Business Law class. At the start of the term, every word uttered by my professor makes me woozy. But after we had our midterms, which was negotiation of contracts (we had to negotiate with the other group in front of the class), I started to appreciate that class. My law student friend actually told me that the applications of law are the ones that are really exciting. Indeed, I enjoyed my time defending our terms of agreement with the other party. I wonder if it's that exciting in real life negotiations.

The other reason why I'm starting to enjoy my classes are the corporate trivias that I'm learning from the stories of my professor. He knows a LOT of stuff that's going on in the corporate world and I actually find him really funny when he talks about his experiences as a lawyer.

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I have been thinking of my September Palawan trip with tuknene. I can't wait! I miss riding planes and going to the beach and island hopping and the smell of sunblock on my skin! This trip will be a tipid trip though, imagine our budget will only be at 5,000 max! We have already laid out our plans for us to stick to that budget. Palawan here we come! =)

*******************

I'm off to Tagaytay tomorrow! At last! A very much needed out of town trip. It has become insanely hot here in Manila and the cold breeze of Tagaytay is just what I need. =) Hope everyone will have a great weekend as well!

patience

I'm a very impatient person. I hate waiting in long lines, traffic, slow services, etc. I always wanted things done FAST and done NOW. Unfortunately, this day tested my patience to the limits. This morning proved to be my "long exam" for patience. It was hard not getting my answers right away.

Today, I realized I should learn to wait. Wait for the right timing. Because not everything can be done at the time I wanted it and not all of my questions can be answered right away.

San ba kasi nakakabili ng pasensya? Ah, biscuit un diba? =) Na-phase out na yata.

let me just rant..

Ever had a bad day but you really can't pinpoint which reasons are causing you to feel this crappy. Well today is that day...for me. I feel down and sad and angry and frustrated and heavy-hearted. In short, not so good feelings. I really hate it when days like these are here. Life is too short to sulk but today I just can't help but feel...hopeless. Of everything. Not that there are major reasons to feel hopeless or something (geesh! Am i making sense here?). Again, there are a LOT of things to be thankful for, however, the crappy things are the ones that are being highlighted today. I don't know why. Maybe I'm pms-ing. Ah, yes.. PMS. The answer to all those mood problems. I don't think I have felt like this in a long time. Maybe it's the idle time that I have right now that's causing this? For the past few months or so, my weekends have been fully booked. It was only now that I was forced to stay home for my full recovery of the flu that I had last week.

Well, last night I went out with my friends and it was fun having to meet up with them again but I couldn't enjoy it completely (read: no alcohol for the night) because of my fear of relapse so I just contented myself with iced tea and water and lots and lots of greasy food. hehe. But on this very sunny Sunday, I can't go out. I choose not to get out so I can be recharged for the upcoming week that will most likely be hectic.

I think I need another beach vacation. If my finances will just permit me, I'll go to Boracay in a heartbeat. But since I can't do that for now, let me just rant. And I do hope these negative feelings will disappear soon.

newbie postie

As I've mentioned earlier in my previous posts, I've signed up with payperpost, I've seen this from one of the blogs that I've read and when I checked out their website, it seemed really interesting. I mean, getting paid by just blogging about the things I love? Isn't that great? I've also read some testimonials from people who are already members of payperpost (well, they call their members postie) and I've heard a lot of good feedbacks from them. One of their top bloggers have already earned around $13,000++. Amazing, right? And all you have to do is just sign up and blog about the things you love.

And so I signed up and here I am blogging while earning money on the side. =) It's a wonderful opportunity since financial matters are really tight these days and we all need some extra moolah to splurge on those things that we love but sometimes couldn't afford because budget won't permit us to buy it. Payperpost is a great way to earn and it's like a part-time job. You don't even have to go to any office. Everything can be done via the internet. Hopefully, more posts will be approved from my blog so I can finally purchase that digital camera I have wanted for so long.

You too can earn by just blogging. Just click the link above or just refer to my sidebar and you can now start blogging while earning! =)

feeling a little better

After 2 days of being bed-ridden, I'm finally up and about and back at work! I'm still not fully well though. Last night, I experienced shortness of breath again. Today, I'm hoping that I'm really on my way to recovery. I haven't had any relapse in terms of fever so far today.

As SO pointed out last night, it's high time I take vitamins that are complete with nutrients. Para ngang nasa commercial sya while he was explaining to me the importance of vitamins. With my kind of lifestyle, he told me that it's not enough that I take vitamin C only. So from now on, since I don't want any repeat of what transpired the past 2 days, I will be taking complete vitamins and will vow to drink lots and lots of water.

It's weekend again! Time to rest and recharge! =)

earning while blogging

As you can see in my previous post and in my sidebar, I have decided to also earn from blogging. Hehe. Times like these, we all need a little more sideline for extra cash right? So I decided to join Payperpost and try to earn a little by just blogging. If you also want to join just click on the link in my sidebar. I haven't earned anything yet as I've only started today and they have yet to approve the post that I've written below. If you want to know more of this opportunity just click on the link ok. =)

math tutors

I have always liked math. In fact, I took up BS Math when I was in college. I just hope my future kids will be able to acquire my ability on numbers. However, if they won't I'm sure that they will be able to enjoy learning math from math tutors. Their math program not only helps children in their problem solving skills but also teach them to be confident in their abilities. Their trained Academic Directors are all equipped to help children make math more fun and enjoyable for them.

despite being sick..

Here I am blogging my time away! hehe.. I'll get off the puter and rest as soon as I finish this post and as soon as I finished uploading pictures in my multiply account (see sidebar). I haven't been updating the photos section for a couple of months already.

Anyway, here's a text message sent a long time ago by a good friend which seemed appropriate last night and earlier this morning.. "One of the worst feelings in the world is having to doubt something you thought was unquestionable". Indeed, I had my bouts of confusion last night which spilled over when I woke up early this morning. There are no perfect situation. You just have to learn to deal with certain "circumstances" because you are left with no choice but to cope. I got scared of this certain "circumstance" (is there such a word?). And anxiety (and a little bit of irritation) just washed over me that the only solution I can think of was to get out. Fortunately, my good friend whacked me back to reality and a 1 hour talk with her convinced me that the solution I was thinking of is not the best solution yet. Another emo moment. Hehe. =)

I will now rest. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a healthier day for me! Gud night pips!

down with flu

For the nth time this year, I caught the virus again. The constant fatigue and lack of sleep might be the one causing my immune system to be so weak that it has become vulnerable to these sort of diseases. If I'm not mistaken, every month I've been having this viral disease. I'm so tired of the constant fever, colds every month! To think that I'm taking 1ooomg of vitamin c everyday! I do need some better time management so I can squeeze in some R&R activities.

magic night

image from harrypotter.warnerbros.com

Last night, I joined the bandwagon and watched the 5th installment of harry potter. I actually enjoyed the movie despite the negative reviews I've heard (I know of one officemate who slept throughout the film). The reason I enjoyed it maybe because, first there aren't a lot of people watching at the Block in SM North and second, I've already forgotten what transpired in book 5. There's the suspense factor which kept me glued on the movie and since I've forgotten what I read, I wouldn't know if they deleted some of the good parts in the book.

The kids in the movie who used to be cute and small are now in their teen years and are growing up quite fast! I wonder how grown up they will be in Part 6. =) Anyway, the one scene that I particularly hate is (warning spoiler ahead!) the Cho Chang and Harry Potter's kissing scene. It kept me wondering whether they really kissed in the book or not. The scene is a put off in the movie and it somehow ruined my perception of Cho Chang. I mean, she was still supposed to be grieving of Cedric's death right? Bitter? =)

But still, I think my 130 pesos for this movie is still worth it. =)

home improvements

By home, I mean my cyberhome. Hehe.. I'm now trying to improve my blogsite since I've somewhat announced of its existence in my friendster account. Previously, it was meant for a few eyes only but now I think it's about time that this blog takes the centerstage. Haha.. Kidding. Anyway, I've already added some new features in my sidebar. Check out my tagboard! Don't forget to leave a message ok. =)

Now, if only I can get to edit the lay out of my "about me" page element. I feel such a newbie to this html stuff. To think that I already have this blog since 2004! Anybody willing to teach this newbie on how to fix this site? =)

quick post

I'm off to school in a short while. This is a make up session for our business law class since June 11 was declared a holiday. I realized from this class that I can never be a lawyer. Too much reading for my attention span of 5 seconds. haha.. So Faith, I'm leaving all the legal details of my future business to you! =)

rambling...again

I've been meaning to write about a lot of things lately I just can't find the time to do so. Everytime I come home, I would always plan on blogging something but as soon as my back hits the comforts of my bed, I'm off to dreamland. So now I'm left with incoherent thoughts as I try to recall the things I want to blog about.

Anyway, I miss the beach! Yep, it's been a while. I think the last time I had a glimpse of my favorite place was when I was on our department planning session. I would love to go beach bumming again anytime soon!

I'm so sleepy. Will try to blog longer posts next time! Ciao!

still here

Still alive but work is up until my neck. School work is demanding a lot of my time lately as well. I hardly have to time to just stop and smell the flowers. Hehe.. Sleeping has become a luxury these past few weeks. I realized I only have 2 free nights in one week. That is, Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I like to spend these nights with my girlfriends so there are really no room to just slack off and bum around doing nothing. I need to manage my time better lest I want to turn into a zombie with my eyebags.

I can't make this long. There are tons to do with so little time. I'll come up with a better post next time. =)

random-ness

Just got back from Cabanatuan. Tired but happy. Ang masasabi ko lang... magpapatayo ako ng Starbucks sa Nueva Ecija! I was craving for a chocolate cream today and so we thought of finding a Starbucks nearby. I texted a friend of a classmate who's from Cabanatuan and told me (to my surprise and dismay) that there's no Starbucks in the city. Huwat? Wala rin coffeeshop dun sa mall. Kaya baka pumatok ang business if ever magpatayo ako ng coffeeshop dun.

Speaking of business, I'm planning to venture into a business of some sort. Secret muna what it is. If things go right on the planning side, we just might go full scale next year. =) I'll reveal once everything is settled. I just hope the energy and will power that we have right now to venture into this business will not diminish after a few months. Exciting!

I also have one more sideline. Hehe. Investment naman un. I'll also let you guys know if it's ok (i just started with the investment) para sama sama tayong magkaron ng extra moolah! Pang-lakwatsa. Yey!

That's it for now. I just got home from a 3 hour trip and here I am blogging my time away. Hehe.. I still have readings for Business Law that I have to read. Lagot. Recitation pa naman un. It's time to sleep. Ciao!

Tagged!

Instructions: Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 7 people to get tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

tagged by faith

1. kaladkarin ako.. take me anywhere and i'd be willing to tag along

2.lakwatsera to the core. malapit ko ng malibot ang pilipinas. =) exag!

3.i love the beach but i don't like getting dark.

4.i've already conquered the mountains and i want to try scuba diving next.

5. i love to hang out at starbucks but i don't drink coffee. tall chocolate cream for me!

6. i'm an only child

7. but i'm not a brat

i tag kharol, kiel, nica, roger, reish and lala

off from work

I've been having neck pains since yesterday and I even have a small lump right under my left jaw. I was initially thinking alaxan will eventually make this go away but come late last night, I was already chilling with fever. I got alarmed and was asking everybody if this lump is mumps (beke). My tita was actually inisisting it is. And to further add to my dilemma, she had been stressing that beke will make me infertile. Huwat? I refuse to believe that and so I called my ever reliable friend with regards to the medical field (thanks Kharen!) and asked her if it was true. Apparently, it only applies to guys. Oops! So if ever I did have mumps, I can bid farewell to my weekend plans with J.

And so with still a slight fever, I begged off from work today and proceeded to see the doctor with my mom. I just heaved a sigh of relief when upon seeing the lump, the doctor's questions geared towards colds and tonsilitis. Apparently, the lump was too low to be mumps. A few weeks ago, I already had the worst case of tonsilitis and the company doctor advised me to take antibiotic for 1 week. When I was feeling a little better during the 3rd day, I stopped taking the meds. My druggist friend told me not to do that. The reason the doctor advised me to take it for 1 week is to make sure the bacteria will be completely gone because if my sickness reoccurs, the bacteria would now have antibodies for that medicine. So now, I am paying the price of my previous actions. The bacteria is still there and it caused this lump to form in my neck. The doctor gave me antibiotics again and this time, I swear, all 14 tablets will be consumed in a week. =)

Why am I still smiling despite being sick? Because it's not mumps! Because tonsilitis is better to deal with than to stay 1 week at home doing nothing so as not to contaminate anyone else. And this also means, weekend plans are still pushing through and the loads of work waiting for me at the office would not have to wait 1 week before it's done.

renewing ties

After J's 3 month extended vacation. He's now in Nueva Ecija undergoing yet another training before going to the real battlefield. Since I now have so much time in my hands, I tried to put my life back together again. Not that it was ruined when J was here. I somehow set aside other aspects of my life just so I can maximize my time with J. When he was here, I almost always leave the office by 5:30. Leaving me with too much pending work. So I went to the office last saturday to make up for that. I still have a lot of things to do but I'm now trying to accomplish those one by one.

Next thing I did was to bond with my girl friends again. Bonding time with them was also cut off because of everyday dating and weekends spent together with J. I still got to see them every once in a while during the past 3 months but it's not the same girl talk whenever our SO's are around. So, first thing I did was to meet up with my friend and spent the night in their house. Something I haven't done in ages.

With all the activities lined up for me and with all the plans waiting to be executed, this somehow lessens my loneliness and it's quite healthy that things are happening this way. My negative feelings are being translated to positive things. Which is good. For me and, I think, for our relationship. I realized I learned my lesson. The lesson that took a lot of tears. I can now see it's purpose. =)

on goodbyes, changes and new beginnings...

J and I were talking last night about his new life when he reports to his division. I can sense that he's a bit sad about it although he doesn't want to show it. I feel for him. I know that it will be a different story as compared to their life in PMA. Gone are the days of just worrying about duties, demerits, touring hours and what nots. J have always been telling me that life is indeed easier as a cadet. Although there's no freedom when you're inside the academy, everything is taken cared of when you're there. After their graduation, they were finally freed from the rules inside PMA but it also meant being responsible for everything that you do with that freedom. It also meant looking after yourself as there will be no tac-o's, commandants, instructors to look after your every move from then on.

Getting deployed also meant separation from his mistah (term they use for their batchmates). After 4 years of being together 24/7 inside the academy, they will now be distributed across the country. Just the thought of it saddens me. I even joke him na ako yung nalulungkot para sa kanya. Goodbyes are always difficult. Though I know J had already set his mind that this will happen eventually, I can feel his sadness when he talks about his mistahs leaving the barracks to go to their assignments. Ako pa nga yung naiiyak. I've somehow got to bond with some of his mistahs over the past couple of months. I've been with them in out of town trips and occassional dinners and gimiks. I had a glimpse of what they were like and how bonded they are with each other. For that short time I was with them, I can say that I'm going to miss them... how much more for J. But he (and all of his batchmates) don't have a choice but to move on. This bittersweet phase will soon be replaced by the reality that lies ahead. The reality that I'm having difficulty getting to terms with.

As the cliche goes, for every ending there's always a beginning. They will now be beginning their life as junior officers of the Philippine Army. Challenging is an understatement to describe their line of work. Nevertheless, I have faith in them that they would be responsible officers of our country. To the Maragtas Class, good luck! Make us proud! =)

after you go...

I can catch up on my reading... After you go, i'll have a lot more room for sleeping... and so the song goes.

No. We're not breaking up. He's just bound for deployment anytime soon and it's causing me this big rock down my throat. I can't help but get teary eyed every once in a while. I know I have to be strong. For him and more especially for myself. I've been through this. I should know the drill. We will only be 3 hours apart. Last time I was in the same dilemma, the separation meant 1 year of not seeing each other. This time, it SHOULD be easier. But it's not.

The thought that I've been setting aside for the past 3 months is slowly happening. If only there's a guide book on how to survive being a soldier's girlfriend. It pains me that his line of work will entail a lot of risks. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I should have known this the moment I decided to commit to him. I thought I was ready but when reality slowly dawns on you, it bites. Hard. Harder than I thought.

I am grateful though. For the 3 months that we spent together without any restrictions on going back to the barracks by 10 pm. Or restrictions on going to the mall. We were able to do things that normal couples do. Go on dates. Watch movies. See each other after work. Spend weekends together. Go on fights personally and not just through phone calls. It should have only been 2 months break but the elections proved to be a blessing in disguise resulting to an extended stay in Fort Boni.

We are now facing the hard truth. That he'll be fighting for the good of the country anytime soon. I am proud of what he does but it scares the hell out of me everytime I think about it. So we decided that everytime he'll be on an operation and will not be able to contact me, I will just think that he's just on duty. Just like his PMA days when he can't text during classes.

This will be a whole new battle. Let's see what will happen this time.

bad day

I'm starting to hate this day. And we're only half way through. Everything about this day is just plain (pardon the word) irritating. Maybe it's the gloomy weather or my approaching pms.

I want to do a lot of things. New things. Maybe this time I'm completely tired of being in my comfort zone. It's time to test new waters once again. After all, life won't be exciting without these "take life" activities every once in a while.

Changes will be happening. Soon.

splashed!

I just got back from an out of town trip with J and his mistahs. We went to Splash Mountain in Laguna. I'm still beat from all the splashing that we did! haha. The trip was all fun, fun, fun! Thanks to his crazy friends who were all good sport and made us laugh the entire trip!

The place is, by the way, super nice! It has a pool inside the room. In our pictures it looked more of a jacuzzi. Will try to post pictures as soon as Frank has downloaded it from his camera.

Will sign off now. Hope you all had a great weekend as well.

paying off debts

I have 4 credit cards. Yep. You read it right. f-o-u-r. 4 years ago, I started with one credit card wherein I pay off every purchase every month. In other words, zero balance. Then I started to learn to only pay half of the amount. That's when all my problems began. Interest and new purchases just kept on piling up that I have to avail of a new card for a balance transfer. After paying off the transfered amount, I have this tendency to use the card again. Sheesh! I have absolutely no discipline when it comes to my expenses.

Right now, I'm trying to start making the first step towards liberation of my credit cards. It will be a long and tedious process but I know it will be worth it in the end so I can really start to save up. Good luck to me. =P

sweet surprise

I love love surprises! And boy was I in for a sweet surprise last night.

I was with J last night. We have been going out every night while he's staying in Fort Boni and we try to maximize every day as much as possible before his deployment in Nueva Ecija sometime late May or early June.

Anyway, we were having our usual conversation when he told me sweetly that he has something for me. This is not usual of him as the first and only thing he gave me before was a cadet doll. I was totally surprised when the gift was the mini version of his class seal pendant. Ain't he sweet? I usually don't get surprises from him so when he does, I'm totally swept off my feet! Cheesy I know pro pagbigyan nyo ko, in lab e! *big grin*

bora part 2?

My friend texted me early last night inviting me to go to Boracay on June 7-10. Accomodation will be free since I will be sneaking in their room. Hehe. The invite is sooooo tempting. I enjoyed my holyweek getaway there and a part 2 a month later is an offer I can't hardly resist. But I have to consider my expenses as well. There are still a lot of out of town trips lined up for the coming weeks and I still have to consider our Palawan trip on September that I have to save up for.

Haaay! Anybody willing to sponsor me? Hehe.. Pengeng pera! =P

PL department outing

We just had our department outing cum planning session in Laiya Batangas. The place is nice, although the room is a bit small for 6 people. Well, the girls in our department had to sleep in one room while the 3 boys are in the cottage just beside ours. The price of the cottages is a bit steep. Good thing we don't have to pay for it!

I realized I cannot work by the beach. I've always associated the beach with relaxing and bumming around that making my mind work during the planning session proved to be a great struggle. We finished the planning session by 12 midnight and we drank like crazy after. Hehe.. Bumabawi lang sa stress.

It was fun although I hoped we had more time to dip in the waters. For pictures, just visit my multiply account http://bernagutierrez.multiply.com

i hope this will make sense

i dunno how to begin... i've been asking the Lord for the past few weeks to give me enough reason to let go... i think He already did... problem is, I can't find a place in my heart where I do want to let go... it's already screaming at me... i'm hurt... i'm disillusioned... i don't want to trust anymore... but my heart is telling me otherwise... could it be? that it's wrong again... just the same way that it was wrong when this same heart was screaming two years ago that i was meant to be with this somebody... i dunno... maybe i shouldn't trust my heart anymore... for it knows nothing of logic... but how do i start to let my mind rule when these past months... i did let my heart take the wheel... i'm blinded... maybe... can somebody lead me? i'm lost... yet again...

keeping this blog alive...

It's 2 am in the morning. I have LOTS and LOTS of school stuff to do and here I am wasting my time making a new entry. The past month has been pretty crazy! I've been running around like a headless chicken trying to maximize his 1-month break. Sickness caught up during the later part due to lack of sleep and trying to balance a lot of things all at the same time. No regrets though, it's when you lose control that you feel alive.

I have a lot of cleaning up to do though. From my finances to my work to catching up with friends again. Spending quality time with SO lessened those bonding time with my best buds.

So what did I do for the past month?

Spent 4 days in Baguio for his graduation -- the activities for the graduation made me wake up at 5 am in the morning! to think I'm supposed to be on vacation!

3 days in Puerto Galera - went snorkelling this time and rode the banana boat for the first time!

5 glorious days in Boracay - thanks to the 5-day weekend I was able to finally set foot on the sands of Boracay. Quiet expensive though as the plan was only formulated when we were just waiting for his flight back to Cagayan de Oro. Talk about spontaneity at its finest!

3 days in Baguio - this time it's for business reasons. he has to settle some papers before his first day of work. Quite tiring. The 3rd day tested our patience to the highest level. Nothing seemed to be going right that day. Thank goodness it's over and we managed to get out of it alive. =P


So there.. no pictures though.. maybe next time.

I now need to go back and finish my paper for Management Principles. Aaargh.. I can't wait for my 6-week vacation from school!!! No more saturday classes for me next time!

sometimes i wonder..

Kung talagang masokista ako. That I always find myself in situations that are so hard and yet I can't seem to get out of it or I choose not to get out of it. Nachachallenge ba ko? Or maybe I just don't want changes to happen. Ewan. I always choose the hard way.. Aaargh.. Gusto ko ng iuntog ang ulo ko sa pader.. hay...

ayoko na yata

I'm pms-ing again.

I think.

I hope.

Otherwise...

I'm doomed.

I think I need a change.

Whatever change it is.

I don't know.

As usual.

I don't know what I want again.

Or i know it, I'm just afraid to go for it.

Because going for it might mean...

Letting go.

reminder to self

... change is inevitable, people change so learn to deal with it
... patience is a virtue
... if you do good to others, it will come back to you a 100 fold
... loving him includes accepting and learning to deal with his work in the future.. the very near future
... never be too needy. keep yourself busy (im busy enough as it is. maybe I have to do more activities.. ung walang tulugan)
... playing around will do no good
... have faith that whatever He thinks you need know, He will show you

mark your calendar

date: September 21-24, 2007

destination:

PALAWAN baby! =)

summer's here!

Yipee! I'm not really a fan of basking in the sun and getting a tan (well, for obvious reasons.. di naman ako ganun kaputi! haha) but I do love the beach and I love seeing the beach in it's full glory during summer season! And since it's the first day of March, I can't help but feel giddy on all those upcoming outings! I haven't purchased a new swimsuit yet. I better get one soonest lest prices go sky-rocketing come April.

One of my personal goal each year is to go somewhere I've never been to. Last year, I went to 2 new places. Cebu and Bohol. This year, I'm really targetting on finally stepping on the sands of Boracay. Most of my officemates are actually surprised whenever I tell them I haven't been in that glorious beach. Sa sobrang lakwachera ko daw kasi, dapat yun daw ang beach na inuuna ko! =P So, I'm really setting my eyes on a Bora (lagot ako kay Mo!) get-away this summer. Me and my high school friends are now scouting for cheap packages. We are setting our maximum budget to 15k (all-in). It would be better if we can lower that to 10k but this could mean "de lata" meals all through out our stay. haha!

I'm really excited! Plus, I'd have a looooong vacation before I start my classes again for next school year. Isn't that great?! Summer here I come!

no matter how hard i try...

I still can't shake off this feeling. Haay.. it has been consuming me lately. Taking the best of me. Is this a warning sign? Or just plain paranoia? I know I don't make sense. Nothing does.

Manic March

I was trying to calendar each activity that I have lined up for March and I realized I have a very busy (not to mention expensive) month ahead of me.

I will be going to HK from March 11 to 14 for the Portfolio Management workshop. On March 17-19, I will be in Baguio again to attend my SO's graduation (yey!). March 22-23 is scheduled for a Batangas trip and if initial plans will push through, I'll be off far north from March 25-28. I still haven't included there my activities in school. By March 3, I had to submit the take home midterms in my econ class and I have to make a presentation for our March 24 report. There's also a lot of gimiks and birthday celebs in between the dates I've mentioned above.

These may seem like a lot of activities to do in one month but more than half of it will be spent on leisure so I'm not really complaining. I just wish I will still have enough moolah to go to Boracay on April. hehe.. I didn't have a decent out of town trip this February (to think last year, I was already in Puerto Galera at this time of the year) so my March trips should make up for that. In other words, bumabawi lang ako! haha! Excuses, excuses. But seriously, I do need a beach vacation pretty soon. My body is already succumbing to stress from work and from my classes.

Can't hardly wait for March! =)

Happy Sunday!

Im not going to write another heavy entry today. Today will be devoted to happy thoughts. My tendency when I'm really happy is to bask in my happiness that I forget about everything else including this blog. When I look at my archives, there a lot of entries pertaining to pain, hurting, moving on, getting lost. It would seem like I just devote most of my time sulking and involving myself in a lot of self-reflection. So from now on, I will try to write anything here in my blog.. including the happy ones. =)

Anyway, I just took my midterm exam yesterday in my Management Principles class. Whew! Boy was I tired. I rallied on reading 250 pages in ONE day. Yep! One day. The tamaditis in me kicked in hard that 2 weeks of lead time only turned to waste. I even had to take a leave from the office to study. Well, I think it paid off. The exam was relatively easy and I'm confident that I'd be getting a grade of at least 90%. Not bad for cramming everything in one day. =P

There are still a lot of work to be done in the next few weeks. We still have 2 cases to submit on March 10, which by the way one of my groupmates pressured the rest of the group to do well on these next cases since we got quite a bit low grade in our first 2 cases. I guess I really have to step up here in my graduate studies to somehow train myself to not be comfortable with 2nd best. That I should aim for the highest.

Speaking of training, SO is undergoing rigid training in their camp in Nueva Ecija right now. I haven't had a decent (read: long) conversation with him since he started crawling in the mountains of Fort Magsaysay. We only get to talk at night. I feel like I'm also training for what lies ahead when he graduates. The set-up was a bit frustrating at the start but I'm starting to get used to it. I came to realize, this is the easiest part. It gets worse when he steps into the real battlefield. But that deserves another entry. Only happy thoughts for today.

So there. Something not too heavy. =P

take two

Written: December 11, 2006

Maybe part of my hesitation is that I'm hearing the same words all over again. Same promises.. of holding on.. even when things get tough. Maybe I'm afraid to believe in it again. It's not your fault. It's the circumstances that made me think and feel this way. It's scary. I don't think I'm ready to go back to that "blackhole" just yet. I'm not even sure when I will be ready. Maybe you're not ready either. You're just overwhelmed. Let's see. For now, maintain status quo. It's easier this way. After all, I think we're both happy now.

I wrote this last December 11, when things were somehow developing quite fast. Reading it again, I guess I was really too scared to fall that time. But, my heart can only hold back for so long. The walls that I built started to crumble bit by bit.

After our galera trip, things went clearer. He told me everything about his past. He revealed his feelings for me. I on the other hand, found myself enjoying his company more. I was hesitant with that trip at first. I thought we won't have anything to talk about mainly because we really don't have anything in common... I was dead wrong. I finally saw him in a different light after that 3-day trip.

I was still a bit scared to love him that time because of what I learned but I found myself more scared of losing him. Things got really complicated when we got back from Puerto Galera. Let's just say, it involved a lot of tears. Xmas was not that pleasant as I was up on my toes figuring out what was happening. And after the storm... after the chaos.. I got to talk to him again. When everything was clear (for me and for him), I said those three words. That I love him. I didn't see it coming but I did fall for him already.

It feels good.. damn good to take that leap again. To feel that natural high. The whole ordeal proved that I am still capable of using my heart. After all the mess that I've been through last year...yes, he finally came and with him came the answers to the questions that have been lingering in my head. I am happy once again.

gloomy

Due to lack of enough sleep for the past week I feel weak and tired today. I'm not sad. Just tired. And my brain is working like a dial up connection... sooooo slooooooooooow! I need to sleep.

Going public

People who know that I am in a relationship again have been asking me why I haven’t changed my status in friendster. Yes, friendster is the BIG announcer of your current status in your lovelife. It’s not that I want to hide my relationship from the world. I just want to keep things simple for now. I’ve already experienced being open and public with everyone and though I feel like they were happy for me then (well, most were happy but I’ve heard just recently that some did not approve of it at the start), I didn’t like what transpired when the relationship ended. People tend to make up stories and form their opinion based on that. They think like they know everything about your relationship just because you shared to them some teeny-weeny bit of your story.

I still remember how hard it was to cope back then…how people have this tendency to open healing wounds when they start to ask…how I just shrugged off each bad opinion about the relationship…and how it was hard explaining to them that it just didn’t work. If I tell everybody now, surely there will be lots of opinions again. I even have this friend here in the office who had her boyfriend misjudged by people in her department because of her boyfriend’s occupation. They think that her boyfriend will start to play around because of his line of profession. Crap. Just because their marriage didn’t work because their husband was in the same field would mean that it’d have the same ending. It’s a different person for crying out loud!

Not announcing actually makes this relationship all the more special. I have this tendency to get approval from others and then stick with my decision when I hear positive feedback. It’s different this time. I am happy without consulting anybody. I made this decision because my heart says so, not because others approved of him or because other people think he’s a great catch.

If I can shout to the whole world that I love him, I will. But I’m contented with the way things are going right now. That we are both happy. I am happy. I have loved. I am loved.

ghost

Yesterday, as I was lying on sick bed, I got this weird deja vu-ish feeling. The same fear that I had before suddenly resurfaced and for some reason, I can't shake it off.

I was in some sort of paranoid state yesterday that I kept on analyzing everything from the text messages to the tone of voice when he calls. It was like 2005 all over again. When everything was not in my control. When I was needy for the assurance that things are still ok and stable. The past that I've long forgotten flashed right before me as if it happened only yesterday. And I got really scared.

Fortunately, the feeling disappears everytime I talk to him. I was assured again of how the relationship is and the love he feels for me but as soon as we hung up the phone, paranoia slowly creeps in again. I guess I'm being overly cautious. I keep on searching for the warning signs hoping that I'd be able to resolve it as early as possible. But then, there are no warning signs yet. There is nothing to be warned of. I am just making these all up. The ghost of the past is just haunting me. This might be the scar talking (or thinking). I am not blaming anyone. Not even him. That painful event already happened and everyone has already healed (i think!) from that. I have already moved on and so has he.

When you finally feel that love again, you can't help but be scared of feeling the pain that comes with it. I don't want to go back there but my mind got the best of me yesterday.

So now, I'm just hoping and praying really hard that this ghost would go away. I don't want some made up thing to cause this relationship to fall apart.

happiness

The past 3 weeks have marked a new phase in my life. I think I've achieved a certain level of happiness that I never thought I'm capable of feeling again. Although if I compare, yes I know it's so unfair to do that but I can't help it. I also have my own benchmark with regards to what I'm feeling. If I compare, my feelings for him are still by far logical. In what sense? This time, I don't look at the future anymore. I do take things a day at a time. No more hopes of forever and of undying love. I don't know what will happen in the next months. I will deal with tomorrow as it comes.

2006

This has been the most amazing, enlightening, mind-boggling, earth shaking year i ever had so far!

I've accomplished a lot of things this year. Met lots of great people. Been to amazing new places. I did a lot of firsts this year. And as I've always said, this year had been one heck of a ride. I'm so grateful for everything.. good and bad alike. I feel more mature and stronger this time around.

So many things have happened and here are the highlights (in random order) of this tough-to-beat year:

1) Finally seeing the light after a long dark journey.. :P

2) Meeting that stranger who helped me see that light.

3) Bumming around in Kharen's apartment.. pure bliss!

4) Instant overnights!

5) Finally got to travel out of Luzon... twice! ain't that sweet?

6) 3 fun-filled, no-work-in-mind days in Cebu with my officemates.

7) Getting to a glorious island after a near-death experience. The destination is worth the dangerous ride.

8) Beach bumming.. heaven!

9) Crossing that damned bridge which explained everything about my lovelife.. teehee..

10) Sauna room in Subic

11) Discovering the best places to eat.

12) Kayak!

13) Starting my MBA class.. and loving it!

14) Meeting the benchmark.

15) Finally recognizing my turning point after a lot of pseudo-turning points.

16) Taking too much risk.. still no regrets though! I learned from each experience.

17) 4 is the magic number baby.. and all 4 can run well.. :P

18) Batallion hop..

19) Island hopping, snorkelling and beach bumming... in bohol!

20) my 4th puerto galera trip in one word: enlightening

21) finally taking the plunge.. :P